And What Do I Know

Our Final Crop - Meyer Lemons

2012-01-13T10:18:00.000-06:00

We didn't really have a garden this year. We did have basil, sage, garlic chives, oregano and rosemary. But that's the herb garden and that stuff either never dies or re-seeds itself every year. My favorite kind of garden.

All we had this year was the lemon tree. Given the treatment the tree received from the plumbers digging up the yard and nearly ripping it out of the ground I'm surprised we got any lemons at all.

Boy did we get lemons. We've delivered three grocery bags full of lemons to our respective offices, I've got two gallon zip lock bags full of lemon ice cubes in the freezer and my husband brought this in the house last night:

Yes, that is a bag full of Meyer lemons. And this is what the counter looked like:

Four bags. We actually ended up with five bags total and the tree is bare for the winter. It probably needs a break.

If you need me I'll be in the kitchen, figuring out what to do with nine thousand lemons.

Winter?

2012-01-08T12:43:00.002-06:00

It's hot.

It's humid.

I'm in shorts and a t-shirt.

The leaves are gone from the trees.

The grass is still green and growing.

I'm contemplating turning on the A/C.

Happy Winter?

Making a List

2012-01-07T08:30:00.007-06:00

No, not as in Santa. I am a list maker. I feel like I should be in a support group.

"Hello, my name is Karen and I'm addicted to making lists."

"Hi Karen!"

I have a list for everything. I have a special notebook I keep with me at all times in case I need to add to a list or start a new one.

Going on vacation? I begin a list the day I make the reservation or we choose a destination.

Grocery store? A list is always in the works.

Home Depot? A separate list for each project.

House Stuff? One list for each room, each project.

Have a day of errand running? Listed neatly one by one.

Big project to do at work? List of tiny steps necessary to complete said project.

Freezer contents? On a list.

Procrastination through list making - I've got it down to a science.

Soffits

2012-01-05T08:30:00.002-06:00

I have finally learned that the things I call boxes in my kitchen are actually called soffits. They are rough wood because they were once covered with two layers of wallpaper.

Now that the paper's off we've been doing a little experimenting with how best to cover them up.

I was all for the spackle (since I seem to be obsessed with it) but it really didn't seem like a good idea. I have no idea how well that stuff actually holds up and have no desire to re-do this project once it's completed. There are a lot of edges that need to be smoothed in some way.

So we bought some joint compound and sheet rock tape and taped one corner and secured it with the compound. Our concern is that the tape will eventually loosen and we're back to square one.

Then we bought some corner bead. Meh, I guess it's okay but it seems like a lot of work for an area of the house that's not going to touched by anything.

Then we did some corners and edges with just the compound and when it was dry gave it a little sanding. I actually like this one the best but my husband doesn't think it's going to hold up.

No, I will not put wallpaper back up.

Any ideas or suggestions? Other than blowing up the kitchen and doing a $25,000 remodel.

I'm lucky I can stimulate the economy buying paint, spackle and joint compound.

Three Down, Thousands To Go

2012-01-03T08:30:00.005-06:00

During the holiday time we did do some little things around the house. One is that I painted part of the house under the carport and my husband hung a new storm door for me. I need to be able to get breezes through my house when the weather's right and like my doors open - minus the bugs.

Love this door. The screen rolls down when you open the window. The little joys in life.

I also painted my sons room, okay I only painted three walls. Why? His furniture is huge and weighs a ton. That furniture will come out of that room once - when we put the wood floors in. At that time I will paint his "accent" wall. (It's white.)

Yes, the closet is currently doorless as the door is curing from being painted.

The hubs also installed three new light fixtures for me in the kitchen entry, kitchen bath and the laundry room.

On sale at Lowe's. Can't beat it.

And that is as good as it gets. Right now.

A New Year

2012-01-01T08:30:00.002-06:00

You know, I never make any new years resolutions. Why bother? I'm a list maker by nature and if I can't accomplish what's on my list on a regular basis what on earth makes me think I can handle an entire list of "great and wonderful changes I'm going to make in my life"?

I would like to finish a room, though.

Happy New Year.

Cleaning Up

2011-12-31T11:52:00.002-06:00

Worst thing about the holidays is the clean up. Taking down the tree, making everything fit back into the boxes where they came from and putting everything in the attic until the following year. And you get tons of help to put UP the decorations but everyone disappears when it's time to take them down.

Every year something gets left out and there is no way in hell I am going up in that attic again. I hate the attic stairs and always feel like I'm going to fall down them.

Anyway, a long time ago this fan pull was left out. He has stayed in my kitchen ever since.

I give you my "Chris-Moose".

You're welcome.

Well, That Was Fun

2011-12-30T11:52:00.001-06:00

Where does the time go?

We really haven't been doing a ton of work around the house lately, too many holidays, too much work and a lot of exhaustion. Just like everyone else.

My daughters decided to help with Thanksgiving dinner this year. It was fun and interesting.

My husband decided I needed to make a bunch of Lemon Ice-Box pies due to the fact that our Meyer lemon tree is groaning under the weight of its bounty.

I never want to make meringue ever again as long as I live. (The pies were tasty, though.)

In making of said pies I needed four egg yolks and seven egg whites. Okay, I can live with that. Unfortunately I hate to waste and I didn't want to throw out the remaining three yolks. Of course! Crepes.

Behold my youngest sifting flour into the blender for the crepes. She was fascinated with the sifter. Yes, she's sixteen.

Shopping

2011-11-23T09:43:00.001-06:00

As a general rule I hate to shop for clothes. I don't like going to the mall, it holds absolutely no interest for me whatsoever. I'm not a fan of driving from store to store. I also don't enjoy shopping online because whatever I buy I generally end up sending back because the color, size or material isn't what I thought I was getting.

This little problem of mine has finally created an issue in my life.

When I purchase clothing I generally purchase something classic that isn't going have to go in the Good Will box the next year because it was trendy and no longer in fashion. The end result of this is that I get clothing that (A) is high quality material, (B) something I know I will wear forever and (C) convinces me that I don't have to shop again for years.

The little problem I'm having? It appears that the last time I truly went clothes shopping was when my son was still in eighth grade. He's 23 now. My clothes are beginning to wear thin and I'm slowly losing pieces. (I know, how in the world do you lose clothes?) I'm going to wake up one day to go to work and have to show up in my underwear.

So I decided to go shopping. I used to be a size 6. According to today's sizes I am still a size 6 (despite my 20 pound weight gain) (I am also tallish). If this is the case and the clothes I'm buying are the size of the clothes I used to wear why can't I fit in the size 6 clothes I have in my closet that I refuse to part with?

I picked up two pair of capri pants, by the same manufacturer, tried them both on and while they were different colors they were also different sizes (which I didn't realize when I picked them up). They both fit perfectly. So I can only surmise that not only do you need to possess a general knowledge of what size you THINK you might wear but somewhere there is a chart that shows what sizes go with what colors and I'm not in the proper "girl" club to have this information.

Clothing manufacturers are screwing with my mind.

I'm going back to online shopping.

Your Local Food Bank Needs Your Help

2011-11-21T09:28:00.001-06:00

Actually - they need your help all year. Help them out.

Someday it could be you that needs it.

Thanksgiving Stress

2011-11-20T08:37:00.003-06:00

I keep seeing these articles about avoiding the stress of Thanksgiving. I feel like I'm missing out on something because I don't have stress at Thanksgiving and I can't figure out why I'm obviously supposed to.

I did have stress once. I was twenty-three and my mother informed me in October of that year she wasn't doing Thanksgiving anymore. We had just bought our first house and my mother decided it was time to pass the turkey duty to someone else. I had the room and it was now my job. It wasn't like I had any choice in the matter.

So I said what every child says to their mother, "Yes ma'am".

To her credit she came up the day before (with the turkey) and we went off to the grocery store to get the remaining ingredients. She then proceeded to teach me how to make the side dishes and prep the turkey.

When you're mother is stepping you through the process it's pretty freaking easy.

The next year she again brought the turkey but wasn't all that keen on doing side dishes with me. I had bestowed upon her the best gift ever: a grandson. He was three weeks old and she only had eyes for him. She threw me an occasional comment and answered any questions in a vague tone so I pretty much gave up and was on my own.

Since that time it's become a no-brainer for me. I make the same sides every year. I am free to add a new one but I am not allowed to take away anyone's favorite. We all have a different favorite. I buy ingredients beginning in October each time I go shopping. By the time the day before comes around I really don't need to get anything and get the sides done and come the "day" all I have to do is stick that turkey in the oven and pray it cooks the way it's supposed to.

I have forgotten rolls in the oven and had smoke billowing out of the oven forcing us to open windows. (My MIL: Karen, I think you left a little something in the oven.) I have forgotten to make the white sauce for creamed onions, left cranberry sauce in the fridge and had turkeys take way too long (or too short) a time to cook. That's what makes the meal interesting.

And in the end, it really doesn't matter what you eat or if you choose to do your Thanksgiving dinner in July or on a Saturday or you like hot dogs and chili.

It's just a dinner with family and friends. People do that all the time.

Vacation

2011-11-19T14:17:00.001-06:00

My husband and I have only been on two vacations in the last eight years. They're not cheap and we aren't rich so when we vacation we do so as cheaply as we can.

We always rent a cabin. We prefer renting in a State or National Park or as close to one as possible. While I am willing to tent camp and we have the necessary items to do so, I happen to like a real bed and I prefer walls around me if there are bears. We have no desire to go to a concrete jungle on vacation, we always aim for the great outdoors. Probably because we both camped with our parents when we were growing up.

It's funny the things I really miss when we leave home.

One of the things my husband and I really enjoy doing together is cooking. We always bring food with us when we leave home and we always cook breakfast and dinner. And each time I'm in a foreign kitchen I think the same thing: I should've brought (fill in the blank).

I miss my wooden cutting boards. I miss my own knives. I need my little tiny bamboo board to serve cheeses and olives on when we're sitting outside waiting for coals to heat or enjoying a sunset. I miss my coffee cup and my wine glass. I miss my little half size dish drainer. I miss my cast iron skillet.

("our" bear)

I find it odd that there a few things that are obviously well used in my kitchen and that I appear to miss when I don't have them.

My husband told me to make a list and not to lose it so as I'm packing for the next trip I can at least attempt to remember my cutting board and knives.

And I think, really? Each time we've gone on vacation I've put my pillow next to the door to have in the car.

I've yet to get the pillow in the car so I don't hold out much hope for remembering kitchen stuff.

Wow

2011-11-07T09:30:00.000-06:00

Wow. That's all I've got to say. What have I been doing that time goes so quickly by? Who knows.

Between looking at the tons of work that needs to be done in the house, outside of the house and the yard we left. Sometimes you just gotta get out.

Drove to the Smokey Mountains and spent a few days. We drove up and down mountains, looked at beautiful scenery and hiked - a lot. Most of my view while we were driving was looking straight down with no shoulder to prevent us from certain death. Have I mentioned I have height issues?

We attempted to go through Cades Cove but after being stuck in traffic for about thirty minutes we took the first road out of there that we saw. The sign said "Exit to Townsend". We took it. I'm reading the brochure we got when we arrived at the Cove and I see that it says this road is "a primitive, one way road".

Gravel, one lane, twisty-turny and a lot of holes. Nothing to prevent us from death. We drove on this road for eleven miles. At approximately 10 miles an hour. I was afraid we were still going to be on it when it got dark. We weren't. But we did see a bear up close and personal. The husband stopped the truck and we sat there and just stared at it like idiots. The bear ignored us. We were delighted.

At some point in time we took a wrong turn and ended up in Gatlinburg. How about no? It was horrible. It reminded me of Bourbon Street but without the booze. We couldn't get out of there fast enough. We don't go on vacation for that kind of stuff - we go on vacation to relax and do nothing.

Although upon getting out of there we did finally happen upon a liquor store.

So we stopped and bought a bottle of wine. I wanted to drink it right then but my husband wouldn't let me. Something about drunken hiking and probable death.

We hiked up to Laurel Falls and I took hundreds of photos of the changing leaves. Our leaves turn brown, maybe yellow, and fall off. The reds, oranges and yellows make me happy. Coming down from the falls there was a momma bear and a baby bear up in a tree so we stood there and watched them for a little while. (Okay, fine, we stopped because by this time we needed to breath without gasping.)

We also went to Clingman's Dome. It's supposed to be the highest part of the park so of course we hiked to the top of it. While the hike was a little on the steep side it gave you beautiful views. When we got the top they had an observation deck that you could walk up to.

It never occurred to me not to continue walking up to the top of the deck.

I was about twenty feet from the observation deck itself, walking up this concrete ramp and the wind is whipping around like crazy when I made the biggest mistake of the trip.

I looked over the side.

I will say this: the effect was immediate. My knees locked, my stomach dropped, my hands started shaking and I really, really, really needed to fall to the ground and put my head between my knees.

I stood there for about five minutes with my eyes closed, slowly turned myself around and walked back down to earth staring at the ramp the entire way down.

My husband shares my fear of heights. It took him ten minutes to walk up the last twenty feet but he made it. Then he looked at me over the side of the observation deck so I could take his picture (with shaking hands) so he could prove to his mother that he made it to the top! We are so mature.

Then we hiked about two miles of the Appalachian Trail and took pictures of each other next to the sign so we could prove to the kids that we actually did it.

The silence at our cabin was delightful. There was no cell service, no internet, we were forced to unplug. It was so peaceful.

We've already decided that next time we go we're spending a full week and will probably camp.

I could use about three weeks of that.

Coming Soon

2011-10-23T16:52:00.002-05:00

An update - really. We left town and went to the Smokies. We're back and now want to live in the mountains.

Except for the driving part.

I'm not a fan of looking out my window to no shoulder and a ten thousand mile drop off.

Scary but pretty.

I Must Apologize

2011-09-29T16:11:00.000-05:00

I'm a crappy blogger. I forget to post, forget to check out the blogs I follow and today?

Today I found myself with some "free time" at work. Okay, I didn't feel like working, so sue me. So I went wandering around the internet.

On every comment I left I have either spelled my own NAME wrong, gotten my email address incorrect or screwed up the url.

I am priceless.

I also desperately need a vacation.

If I left a comment on the blog of anyone who reads this one I do apologize.

My brain appears to have left my body.

Cod Fish

2011-09-29T12:02:00.001-05:00

To the best of my knowledge I have never eaten cod fish before. I know I've never cooked it.

Enter the grocery store with my husband. He picks up two packs of frozen cod fish. "Just to try".

Okay cod fish for dinner it is.

Now, I have cooked speckled trout, catfish (from the basin not farm raised - very different flavors and I much prefer wild), red, drum, salmon, tuna, tilapia, and orange roughy. The simplest recipe I have for fish is to sprinkle it with cayanne and dill, top with thinly sliced lemons (cover the whole top of the fish), squeeze lemon juice over them and bake till they flake. Tasty, easy, quick.

So that's what I did with the cod. It was disgusting. It was possibly the worst thing that has ever come out of my kitchen. And don't get me started on the smell.

Obviously I need cod cooking lessons.

So, since we will probably never buy or eat this kind of fish again and because I have another pack of this stuff in my freezer I decided to try to make it taste good.

I defrosted the last pack, soaked it in egg wash and garlic, stuck it in some Zats fish fry with tons of added spices and fried it in peanut oil.

Thank God we fry things outside. It was damn near inedible. Even ketchup couldn't save it. Hell, even tartar sauce couldn't save it.

At least I didn't poison us.

Flooring Options

2011-09-28T12:52:00.002-05:00

In my last house I had wood floors in the kitchen/dining and living rooms. It was solid, 3/4 inch oak planks. It was not the engineered flooring. That floor could be re-sanded a lot, if necessary. I left it the natural color and covered it with a polyurethane. Loved it. Never had problem with the floor.

There are no baseboards in our kitchen because they needed to be replaced and we will be getting new floors. We will be pulling up the vinyl that's there now because there is pink moldy looking stuff spreading through it and I don't want to put new floors on top of that.

So this leaves us with all kinds of choices.

First off I love the look of wood in the kitchen but I think it's best if you can get the thick stuff. I dropped alot of stuff on my old floor and had three small kids in that old house and never had a dent or knick in that floor.

It's not an option. It would cost us more than $3,000 just to do the kitchen - and that's installing it ourselves and not screwing up too badly. I can't justify that - mainly because I don't HAVE $3,000 right now and I have an entire house that needs new flooring. Desperately. And I believe that the $3,000 will be better spent putting floors in the bedrooms and the living room and the office.

Okay, so ceramic? Turns out, my husband put ceramic in the kids bathroom. He did a great job, it looks awesome and I hate it every time I have to clean it. And it's a little bathroom.

Brick pavers? Too many nooks and crannies but you probably wouldn't notice the dirt until you started sticking to the floor. (That's definitely a sign the floor needs to be mopped in my house.) And, too dark. I'm getting the dark out - I surely don't want to add more to it.

And we're back to vinyl. Which is what I prefer. I don't want nooks and crannies or grout. I hate grout. I hate cleaning grout. I do like a smooth surface to clean, especially since it has to be cleaned every day.

My husband is not a fan of vinyl so I had very little hope when I proposed the kitchen floor AND having someone other than us install it - like a professional. So it's done in ONE day (not a year).

He said okay. He didn't flinch, argue for the flooring he prefers or anything else.

I'm still trying to get over that.

How Difficult Can It Be?

2011-09-27T12:52:00.001-05:00

That's what I should have named this blog and those are the very words I say before I embark on any fix-er-up projects around the house.

You think I would have learned by now.

Whenever my husband hears those words come out of my mouth he looks at me as if I've grown three heads.

He hates those words.

During the sadness with the big girl dog we really needed to keep ourselves occupied so I looked at the carport (double carport that can actually fit two full size SUV's) and realized we barely had room to walk from the driveway to the back door. So I looked at the hubs and told him we needed to get it organized so we could at least park ONE car under there and it really needed to be sprayed down with the power washer to get all the dirt and crap off from the whole stupid replace the sewer line mess.

And then I said "It's the carport, we're not building anything or ripping apart anything, how freaking difficult can it be for us to get the carport straight?"

Turns out it took eight SOLID hours. We were both walking like old people when it was done but now it's neat(er). There was a mound of "trash" in front of the house including four louvered doors. All was picked up by the Sunday drivers in a matter of hours.

It took him three days to begin speaking to me again.

The Kitchen

2011-09-26T12:33:00.003-05:00

In light of recent events not a whole lot has been going on in the Nightmare household lately. We both really don't know what to do with ourselves when we come home. No one is waiting at the gate, no one wants to chase a toy, no one (except Miss Kitty) wants to annoy the crap out of us with constant whining. Really, it's depressing.

So I got all the crap out of the kitchen.

It took me an entire day.

No the damn room isn't finished yet.

But at least it's scrubbed within an inch of its life.

Below you will see our temporary "electronics" center. I'm looking for a console table or maybe a short, thinish bookcase. My cookbooks over-runneth.

Yes we are classy.

The soffits are giving me pause. I think I'm going to float them with mud since no one touches them and then paint them. We're considering taking down the soffit over the breakfast counter but that has me a little worried and may be more than we can handle since it will require repairing the soffit against the wall and re-doing the crown molding.

And the window from hell. Every time I even think about working in this window I throw my back out and my joints begin to scream in pain.

This is sanded with one light coat of primer. It's getting the mud treatment as well and then I'm thinking about putting some type of glass tile on the sill itself and maybe put a "frame" around the window.

Then I will never touch that window again as long as I live.

Deeply Missed

2011-09-25T12:32:00.001-05:00

On September 18, 2011 our beautiful black lab Girl (the wonder dog) died. She died at home, in her kitchen with her favorite human by her side (that would be my husband).

She is deeply missed.

A Brief Review

2011-09-10T16:59:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the lovely little storms we've had my business is in an "uptick" phase. That's polite for too busy to actually eat lunch at work, let alone find time to use the ladies room.

AT&T finally came through on Friday. Well, what actually happened was a guy came and ripped out all the crap the last guys did and re-did it. Then he told us someone else would come by and fix the ripped up phone lines in the four foot hole in the backyard. What he neglected to say was they were coming this morning at 7 am. Hello Saturday sleep in day!!! So parts have been fixed and supposedly on Monday the final guys will come by and bury the cable so we can put the yard back together somehow.

We've had quite a horrible week here. Not the "tropical storm" - THAT actually gave us some much needed rain and brought us a little taste of fall. Thanks for that one mother nature.

No, we had to put our little cat Joe down. One day he was fine, the next day we came home from work and he just looked horrible. The day after that he was miserable. We yanked him off to the vet at six o'clock at night and was told he had feline leukemia. I have never had a cat with that before and never want to again. Horrible night. Miss Kitty has been spared.

Today this is at the vet's:

Thursday she was fine. Met us at the gate waiting to go "get the mail". Played ball, generally tormented us with slobber and pitiful looks. Friday she wasn't in the mood. She walked to the front yard and then laid around. However, she ate well and drank. This morning we got up and brought her inside so the AT&T guy could work unmolested by a pestering dog. All she did was lay on the kitchen floor, labored breathing and just not right. Miss Kitty kept vigil by laying next to her.

Off to the vet. Three hundred dollars later and - they have no idea. It's not the worms (yes she has them, yes they are under control). She doesn't have an infection, she had x-rays and her innards look great. So she's spending the night with an I.V. and pain meds and they'll call us in the morning. I need a third job.

They did say she has arthritis up her entire spinal column and then, "How long has she been in pain?". Excuse me? She jumps in and out of the truck (okay, she's a little help on the "in" part but she's great at the "out" part), she wants to chase her toys every day, if a possum comes in the back yard she is right there after it. She doesn't yelp, she's never moaned or yipped if we touch her and if she's in pain she's got one helluva tolerance for it. You'd never know she was 8 1/2. We find out tomorrow.

During the tropical depression with the four days of rain we finally installed the window sills and the decorative molding underneath. I also have one more coat of paint on the wall with the windows and the main painting is done. Miss Kitty has been helping me put the primer and the semi-gloss on the window sills. I don't recommend this method.

I also discovered that the laminate (?) that goes from the kitchen counters up the freaking wall is incredibly easy to take off. I only did the part around the window because I'm getting ready to sand and smear a little joint compound around.

Don't you wish you had my life?

Really Mother Nature?

2011-09-02T17:20:00.001-05:00

Dear Mother Nature:

It's bad enough that you seem to be working on seriously messing with those poor people on the east coast. An earthquake AND a hurricane? Give them a break.

Now we have a tropical storm in the freaking Gulf and another hurricane heading this way?

Come on Mother Nature, just give those people a break. They desperately need to dry out and re-group.

Those of us in the gulf coast states can relate (except not to the earthquake. I never want to be able to relate to that.).

Sincerely,

Karen

Just a Note

2011-08-18T13:23:00.000-05:00

In case anyone was ever wondering - sodding your backyard is an excellent workout - and we've barely begun. I am, however, too much of a "girl" to control the tiller (or move it for that matter). I am excellent at loading and unloading a wheelbarrow and moving stuff around. I can sling that grass with the best of them.

AT&T can stick it. They ran their wires THROUGH a lattice work fence approximately two feet off the ground. You're going to bury that HOW?

The also ran their dumb ass wires OVER landscaping ties, THROUGH a garden and back OVER the landscaping ties on the other side. We are ready to kill. They should be shot based on stupidity alone.

I'm scared to death of power tools. There, I said it. But I have learned to use a sander with aplomb. Next up? Mastering a drill. Maybe I'll just try a cordless screwdriver first, don't wanna get to cocky about this.

Dogs love a dirt backyard. There are no words to describe this.

The trash people finally came by and picked up a ton of broken concrete from in front of our house. It was piled there so long it killed the grass.

My sister is acting like she's in junior high, being one of those bratty girls. I think she needs help. She better get some because she's driving me crazy and I don't need anymore help in that department.

I give you Miss Kitty doing her otter impression. It's the best I would do with an Iphone. She lays like this all the time and as soon as I grab a camera she sits up.

That's all I've got.

I've got to go learn to make windowsills now. Help me.

Homeownership

2011-08-03T10:25:00.000-05:00

Homeownership is a lovely thing. Until it bites you back.

We have a small sewer issue. Actually this issue is an old one that my ex was always "fixing" to take care of but never did. It was easier to call someone to snake the line than dig it up and replace it. No biggie.

So when my husband and I had the last little sewer problem we actually hired a plumber to come take care of the situation. The solution was to dig up the pipe from the house to the city connection and replace it.

God, it sounded so easy. For them, not us, we don't plumb.

We got our quote and happily signed off on. ("Happily" being a relative term, I'm seldom happy about parting with my hard earned cash.)

The plumbers get a copy of the grid from the city that shows where our sewer line ties into the city line and we're good to go.

This is where the line was supposed to tie in - according to the documentation we had:

That would be the lemon tree back there. A lemon tree that has so many unripe lemons on it it's not even funny.

Yeah, the line wasn't there. The grid was wrong.

Will we be deterred? Of course not. They had already removed part of the fence and attached a new line to the house and had it partially run.

Yes, we did lose part of the concrete patio but we really didn't care about it, my husband wants a deck there instead.

Doesn't everyone have one of these in their backyard?

This is the destruction to the fence. They finally left at eight o'clock in the evening. This morning they returned at seven a.m. and my husband called me a little while ago to tell me they found the tie in buried six feet underground and behind the pool. Pretty much where that backhoe is sitting in this picture.

I can't even begin to tell you how I feel. One part of me is happy, happy, happy. I can wash clothes, run the dishwasher, have two showers running and three toilets flushing all at the same time without a panic attack. No more cracked sewer lines! Brand new!

On the other hand: my entire back yard is destroyed. Not sure if they damaged the lemon tree or not. We lost part of the fence and four veggie gardens and one of our compost bins got pulled up and out. It is a pure-d mess.

These guys were pissed off when the specs they got from the city were wrong. And it didn't help that the line ended up taking a sharp left and went under a pool apron made of concrete and two feet thick. They were bound and determined that they were going to find the tie in last night. They were close but they ran out of day. Kudo's to them for that.

I can't wait to see how they fix the yard.

Sixteen

2011-07-30T17:17:00.000-05:00

You see this beautiful baby?

She is sixteen today. Sixteen. My last baby.

Happy Birthday beautiful.

I love you,

Momma

Wow

2011-07-27T10:21:00.000-05:00

Where did July go?

I really don't have a whole lot to show for it. I did manage four (yes, four) coats of primer over the yellow bedroom and closet. Four. I almost cried but it's coming along. After painting the primer I also found another nine thousand little nail holes that I obviously failed to spackle the first time around. Never let your children hang whatever they want in their rooms. You pay for it later.

Took the desk out of the kitchen. Turns out they built it right where it was. And the nails holding the desk to the cabinet were nailed into the desk from inside the cabinet. That cabinet just happens to hold the double ovens. No, we did not take the ovens out. We cut the nails as close to the cabinet as we could and then used a punch to make them go away. ("We" is my husband, I just supervised this particular adventure.)

Again, they didn't stain BEFORE installation, but after. I will be painting my cabinets before I know it.

And the wall right there now has two coats of primer on it as well. I hope to get the last two coats of primer on that wall this weekend and then I'm going to paint it grey. Then the kitchen painting will mostly be done. Still not too sure what to do about the soffits but we're thinking about hiring a cabinet maker. Hope he takes credit cards.

This is the best photo I have of the soffits. They're bare wood and quite rough. I would just like to cover them in joint compound and sand them smooth and then prime and paint. My husband is worried about the corners and thinks we need the corner molding (or whatever that metal piece is you put on the corners where sheet rock meets). I really can't think how they'd get damaged since no one touches them but this is all hit or miss with us.

Mostly I just typed my fingers to the bone. There was a lot of transcription going on in my world this month. I'm seriously glad I've got a rest from job 2 right now.

Both my husband and my youngest daughter have birthdays coming up this month. My baby will be 16. How the hell did that happen? Where did the time go? Yesterday she was walking around in pink, sparkley barbie shoes, a tutu and a feather boa and today she's suddenly all grown up.

I did manage to slice part of my index finger off. I was dicing rosemary for my husband to make his most delicious grilled roast. He had warned me that he had sharpened the knives earlier that day and to be very careful. It's a good thing I keep bandaids and neosporin in the kitchen on the windowsill. Doesn't everybody?

It took the better part of the night to stop bleeding but it's healed nicely with the exception of a little numbness in that finger.

I have been promised a life of dull knives for ever more.

Still Alive

2011-07-02T14:15:00.000-05:00

I've had more transcription over the last couple of weeks than I care to think about. My butt feels like it's permanently welded to my chair and I can't stand to look at the computer. Six more to go. God help me.

Work is wildly busy and we haven't had a hurricane yet or any major storms. We are in "extreme" drought conditions. It sprinkled yesterday - just enough to raise the humidity level to "kill me now".

Last week while lying in bed watching some T.V. the light fixture on my ceiling fan flew off across the room and smashed into a million pieces. Scared the crap out of me. It was one of two light fixtures in the house I actually loved. My house is obviously haunted or it hates me for what I'm doing to it. Probably both.

Sunday evening my husband was cleaning the pool and I had the dishwasher and the washing machine going. Lots of water flowing into the sewer pipes all at the same time. I heard the familiar "blub, blub, blub" of the toilet. Sure enough it was ready to back up. So Monday after work we stop at Home Depot and rent a snake to de-clog the sewer line. The freaking snake won't go in reverse. By eight that night the husband is spitting nails and returns the snake (completely unrolled - it was quite a sight) to Home Depot.

Tuesday evening we stop at Home Depot again and get another snake. This one works a little better but you can't change out the little thing at the end that, I guess, is what helps to cut through whatever it is in there blocking your pipe. Eventually he pulls the snake out and it's covered in this yellow stuff. I looked at it and my heart dropped to my feet. I knew exactly what it was and he says "This is shit". I shook my head and told him it was clay. He smelled it and told me it was definitely dirt. Then? With a totally blank look and he asked me how clay got in the pipe. He is in total denial at this point. Cracked sewer line. First time I ever heard him tell me to "CALL AND HIRE A PLUMBER. I AM NOT!!! DOING THIS!".

The plumber I asked to come out and give an estimate? Yeah, didn't show. I'll wait until Tuesday and call another one. It's not a serious pressing issue yet.

And the only "good" thing that's happened is we finally managed to get the desk out of the kitchen. As is par for the course there is no stain on the wall oven cabinet where the desk was because they obviously put the desk in first and stained later.

I hope the mental hospital lets husbands and wives stay in the same room together. We need a vacation.

Last Weekend

2011-06-10T15:27:00.001-05:00

Last weekend my youngest daughter cut my hair for me because I'm too cheap to pay $12 to get it done at a Wondercuts or someplace similar. My hair is straight - it's not like it requires a lot of work.

Then I tried to burn down the house with spinach. Turned it on and forgot about it. It took the pot about six hours to cool down. It was my favorite pot.

The smell lasted for three days.

It's not something I recommend trying.

Can't wait to see what happens this weekend.

Gardening and Cooking

2011-06-06T20:30:00.003-05:00

Those two items go hand in hand. And I love having a garden to cook from. And my husband and I decided that, due to the work load of the house we would not do a garden this year.

The other day I made a shrimp and eggplant casserole. It was delicious, as always. But you know what I really missed? I couldn't walk out to the garden and get my eggplants, onions, or peppers. I had to get them from the store.

That depressed the hell out of me.

We are definitely having the gardens next year. I shouldn't have to get everything from the store. Let me re-phrase that: I don't want to have to get everything from the store.

It's going to be a long summer.

Chris

2011-06-05T20:30:00.005-05:00

My closest in age brother Chris died in 2000 at the age of forty. We were pretty close. He was very involved in my kids lives and helped me out a lot.

In June of 2000 I ended up with a headache to beat all headaches. For two days this thing wormed it's way around my brain until I could do nothing but throw my guts up and crawl. The fever didn't even matter by that point in time. My then husband took me to the doctor who asked a billion questions I couldn't understand because my brain had ceased to work and all I wanted was someone to get a chain saw and cut off my head at the neck because that would feel better.

I don't remember coming home from the doctors office. In fact, I remember absolutely nothing for twelve days. (When I did wake up I had lost fifteen pounds and wanted a lot of water.)

But what I do know is that when I came out of this coma thing we had gotten a call from my mother. My brother was dead. They found his body with a crack pipe in his hand. From what I understand, he was pretty well decomposed by that time as well.

My brother had a problem with drugs as far back as I can remember. He'd taken himself to the methadone clinic in town God knows how many times and he'd get clean for a while. Sometimes he was clean for a couple of years, sometimes it was a couple of weeks. But you always knew when he was clean. It was the only time you saw him. If he was in drug-mode he wouldn't return phone calls, let alone come around you.

And the interesting thing is he could go for years without drugs. He got himself clean enough to go back to college and graduate with his degree in chemistry. He managed to stay sober long enough to fall in love, get married, have a child, get divorced. But he would always fall back.

I liked it when he was sober because I got to see him and we had fun together. He was a very important part of my life.

And it sucks that I'll never see him again. And that is the price of drugs.

One of my favorite pictures of him with my girls in 1997. He spent hours playing with the Fischer Price farm that day. They loved their Uncle Chris.

(In case you're wondering, my fever turned out to be West Nile.)

I'm Ready for Kindergarten

2011-06-04T20:30:00.002-05:00

Apparently I went to work yesterday strictly for nap time and lunch. I felt like an over-tired five year old.

A Little Road Trip

2011-06-03T20:30:00.001-05:00

The husband and I decided to go to New Orleans for the day to visit the boy and take him to lunch. In reality my husband decided I needed to be physically removed from the house for a while and bribing me with my child was a good way to do it.

So off we went. This is the spillway we cross over to get there. The only time it's like this is when they open the locks to avoid flooding. The water was amazing.

So we get down to New Orleans, pick up the boy, drive around for God knows how long and end up on the damn west bank. How the hell we ended up crossing the GNO Bridge is anybody's guess but we had to PAY to get back to the right side of the river.

Found parking, walked twelve hours to the restaurant, sat outside and ate, walked another twelve hours in thousand degree heat and sweating profusely. Dropped the boy off at his house and drove home. (Yes, I did a little shopping while I was there because I can.) When we got home my clothes were still soaked through and I looked like I had taken a shower with a dirt hose.

I ended up with heat stroke.

But seeing my son was worth the heat stroke.

I'll go visit him again when the weather cools down in October.

This is Wrong

2011-06-02T20:30:00.001-05:00

I'm still in the priming mode for the kitchen bathroom door. For me priming means paint a coat, wait an hour, paint a coat, wait an hour, paint a coat, wait an hour, paint a coat, let fully dry before painting the glossy stuff.

While you wait you really need to be doing something with your time. So I did. I went into one of the bedrooms and pulled off the magnetic strips that were installed on the window. Pulling those off required removing the curtains and the shade. Then it required sanding and spackling. While in possession of spackle I sanded the twelve thousand holes in the wall from the pictures, posters and other stuff that the kids had up at some point during their lives and filled said holes with spackle.

With that done and just needing to wait for things to dry to be sanded, I decided to take down the louvered closet doors. I hate louvers. Louvered doors equal dusting and I hate dusting. The doors are being replaced with paneled doors.

So down they come. Then I decided to move out the furniture. I was prepping the room for a simple painting so the furniture needed to go.

I find area rugs are perfect for helping you to move a small piece of furniture from one room to the next without scratching the floors. I also discovered that a double mattress is heavy and difficult to move alone. I wasn't all that keen on the box spring either but every thing got moved and the room is empty and ready to get a couple coats of primer to cover up the yellow and then choose a nice neutral color because the comforter and curtains are red.

All the base boards are being replaced with white ones. So, yeah, I pulled out the baseboards which appeared to be glued to the 1970's half shag carpet. You know where this is going.

With the baseboards out it was one simple step to rip out the carpet. We want to put wood floors down and this will be a good practice room.

So now I'm still sanding and spackling the window frame (takes quite a few very thin coats) and then I'll sand the door frame and take down the door and primed it when the room gets primed.

Pulling up those carpet tack boards (or whatever they're called) isn't fun.

With all this activity when I got up the next day I was informed we were going to New Orleans to see the boy for the day and take him to lunch.

I think my husband just wanted to get me away from another room in the house.

Random

2011-06-01T14:04:00.000-05:00

I don't like bridges. I get a panic attack every time I have to drive across one. If I'm driving I've been known to hold my breath and close my eyes until my speed drops to about half a mile an hour and we finally make it across. You can ask my daughter - she has witnessed it.

Anyway, we crossed the above Sunshine Bridge about two weekends ago on our way to meet the worlds greatest in-laws in Morgan City, which is where they live.

As you can see the Mississippi is a little full. There wasn't traffic on a single river we passed.

The rents were fine, they really didn't have any water in their area to speak of and no one seemed very concerned.

The oddest sight we saw was sandbags on top of the graves. Naturally, I failed to get a picture.

I Should Have A Home Repair Show: What Not To Do

2011-05-24T20:33:00.001-05:00

I painted the little entryway in the kitchen area. The walls are the lovely light french gray, the door white. I have a back door that has one of those fake nine-pane windows on the top of it. I decided to paint the window frame on the door the same color as the walls. Don't like it I can always change it - it's just paint.

Three coats put on with the utmost prescision (mainly because I didn't want to have to touch up the door).

I pulled the tape off the window and, for the first time ever, the paint peeled away from the window with the tape.

I'm on day two of getting the paint out of all the nooks and crannies so I can re-paint the stupid frame white.

Here's the lesson that was involved: don't ever forget to prime.

Yes, I should have paid attention to the frame. I thought it was a little too slick.

Happily scraping paint.

It's probably a good thing that I really wasn't please with the visual anyway.

Peeve

2011-05-20T20:30:00.002-05:00

First off: I hate ugly people. Truly hate them. The ones that can't talk to someone in customer service without spouting off? They should be shot. Your problem isn't CAUSED by the person who answered the phone. Grow up, get your stupid temper in check and act like an adult. Or at least pretend you know how to be one.

I work in a service industry. I have the pleasure of talking to people who are going through some scary or weird stuff and some of those people are truly ugly people. Be nice people, I'm not the reason your experiencing this particular situation and being ugly to me will only get you hung up on.

Ugly human: I'm glad you want to intimidate me. (Insert huge eye roll here.) Please, tell me you're going to get an attorney, for the following reasons:

1) I don't care - it means nothing to me and, well, I just truly don't care.

2) Please, please do. Once you're attorney represented we no longer have to talk to you and be cussed at. It will be a delightful end to our relationship. Oh, and you will have to pay him or her. Have fun.

In our office someone is specifically assigned to help you. Remember their name. Don't be stupid and call up and say you have no idea who you've been talking to for the last three months. If I could reach through the phone and knock the stupid out of you I would.

DO NOT call our number and say "Someone from this number called me". Did they leave a message? No? How about maybe it was a wrong number and they hung up when they realized it? I have forty people in my office - how the hell am I supposed to know who called you? If they truly needed to get in touch with you they would leave a message. Oh, wait, they did and you didn't bother to listen to it? Go listen to it and call back.

Take a number, get in line and don't be ugly. Know why? Because the people who are pleasant in the face of adversity are the ones we take care of the fastest because they make our job pleasant and their attitude makes us WANT to help them. Mr. or Mrs. Ugly is happily introduced to the back of the line.

If you're truly confused about what's going on I will be able to tell while I'm speaking with you and I will go out of my way to get you where you need to be. Ugly will get you hung up on.

And yes, I have hung up on people. I will not be cussed at, threatened, screamed at, yelled at or treated in a disrespectful manner. My employer is well aware of this and has no problem supporting me. I will HAPPILY transfer you to the owner of the company and let him deal with your stupid self.

And you can pat yourself on the back that you are now the butt of the office jokes - until the next one comes along and then you're completely forgotten about.

Is Your Phone Tapped?

2011-05-19T20:30:00.006-05:00

The other day I answer the phone at work to a very upset man demanding to know why his phone is tapped.

Me: Excuse me?

Him: Why is my phone tapped?

Me: I have no idea.

Him: Who are you?

Me: Name of Company Here.

Him: Why are you tapping my phone?

Me: We're not tapping your phone, we don't do that.

Him: What you got on me?

Me: Nothing yet, but we're working on it.

And I hung up.

He hasn't called back yet and I find myself oddly disappointed.

Socks

2011-05-18T20:30:00.001-05:00

The laundry room is complete for now. Eventually I will be painting the cabinets in there white and we will be ripping up the vinyl flooring and installing ... something. I have no idea what kind of floor but something different.

The washer was move back into place but not the dryer. The little hose that vents your dryer to the outside of the house? My delightful kitties seemed to have had a field day playing with that hose and it has more holes in it than swiss cheese.

This explains the huge amount of lint floating around the laundry room. I just thought I was messy when I cleaned the lint trap.

Even though we will be stopping at Home Depot on the way home from work to get the dryer hose we did actually need to do a load of clothes last night. My husband's company just made them start wearing uniforms which is great (I don't have to wash them) but the pants are tan and he only has so many pairs of tan socks, thus we had to do a load of clothes. No biggie, we always have wash waiting to be done.

So the light clothes got stuck in the washer and when they were done I took the clothes out and hung everything outside. At 10:00 when we were getting ready to go to bed the socks were still seriously wet.

So I got out a cookie pan and put the socks on the pan and stuck them in the oven on warm for a little while.

Dry socks and an oven that smells very fresh.

My husband thinks I'm nuts.

A Perfect Day?

2011-05-09T09:23:00.000-05:00

Sitting around chatting for a few hours with my daughters and doing absolutely nothing else.

Always a Work in Progress

2011-05-07T11:22:00.000-05:00

Kitchen, heading into the office - yea! paint!

Laundry room. I don't recommend this way of painting.

But it makes it nice and easy to get to the freezer.

Half done. It's better than nothing and should be finished by next weekend. You know, if, when I move the washer and dryer away from the wall there's nothing to stop me.

Nothing like surprises to keep life interesting.

Yes, Still Alive

2011-05-03T17:59:00.000-05:00

It's been busy. The usual: work, work, house, house.

I finally discovered why I'm so nuts about this house. Nothing is easy. My last house was built by my ex and me so everything was new and all trim was white. If I wanted to re-paint that's all it was - re-painting. Here, not so much.

Everything in this house is that walnut 1970's whatever color. Every door frame needs to be sanded, primed several times and then given a couple of coats of paint. Every baseboard is being removed. Every bit of CRAPPY 1970's wainscoating is being slowly ripped off the walls.

When I first moved into this house they had metal magnetic strips around the inside of all the window frames and these plexiglass "windows" that snapped in place. Getting the plexiglass "windows" out so you could actually OPEN the window for fresh air meant removing the shades or mini blinds, taking out the window covering and then replacing the shade or blind. Heaven help it snapped up to 95 degrees the next day and we went through the whole process of replacement.

I was actually stupid enough to do that twice. Then I ripped of those window things and tossed them out with the trash.

However that leaves the magnetic strips. Which they not only nailed into place but the strips themselves had some kind of adhesive on the back of them. Removal means a lot of sanding. It goes like this: sand, spackle (thinly people!), sand, spackle, sand, spackle, sand, spackle until you have a perfectly smooth finish. Yes, thank you, I have learned my lesson with this job and the last window I did came out beautiful. Then you get to prime, prime, prime, paint, paint. Done.

So my nuts about this house is that I still have the expectation of just DOING it. I can't just do it. Everything in this house is started and there's a lot of waiting for things to dry and for dust to settle.

I've discovered I'm more of an instant gratification kind of gal. I am obviously learning that "slow and steady" will win this race. I'm learning to be okay with that. I think. Okay, I hope. It's not like I have any choice in the matter since I want it done right and I want it done by the time I'm 60.

Yes, I did myself quite a bit of leeway. You'd think I was remodeling some ancient mansion on the historical register.

I use "remodeling" in the broadest sense of the term. If there is one.

So over the last two weeks I've pretty much been working, working on the house and attempting to keep us fed and helping the husband in the yard. It is springish you know. (Our spring may be shorter than in other areas of the U.S. but it is much enjoyed.)

So I chose an "easy" area to do. Behind the fridge. It's the smallest space and it hooks into the space leading into the office and I saw it as doable in a short period of time. Of course you know where this is going.

First of all I'm not exactly busting out with physical strength so I was a little leary about moving the fridge. Took me a while and I needed a nap afterward but I got it out of it's space far enough for me to work. There was paneling behind it that needed to be removed, along with the baseboards.

Baseboards, no problem. Chair rail, no problem. As I stood in the little space staring at the paneling I realized that there was a pipe, complete with on/off valve staring me in the face. Valve needed to be removed. That is past my knowledge and I needed the husband. I freely admit I had a mini-breakdown. It went kinda like "WHY CAN'T ANYTHING BE SIMPLE? WHY IS THERE ALWAYS SOMETHING TO STOP ME IN MY TRACKS? WHY CAN'T I JUST PAINT AND BE DONE?" No, I'm not proud of it, but there it is. There may have been some tears involved.

Then I dried my eyes and went outside to see if the husband needed any help in the yard. When he was done he shut off the water and then realized the valve wasn't coming off that pipe so he used some little router saw or something and cut that crap off the wall.

Then I sanded, spackled and waited for it to dry. And then I had a glass of wine and called it a day.

The next day I decided to do the laundry room while I was doing this little bit in the kitchen. Of course, I needed my husband. There's an upright freezer in there and that sucker weighs about twelve thousand tons. I admit I'm just guessing here but it is HEAVY. So he moved it and then I squished around the washer and dryer and managed to rip off more baseboards.

I don't recommend painting a laundry room the way I'm doing it. No room to move and forget about washing clothes. I moved the dryer today so I could actually wash some clothes because when I went in my closet this morning I seriously considered going to work nekkid. Let's just say it looked like I was dressed by a two year old and not one that actually had any style sense. Thank God my company is relatively casual.

They don't even notice the white streaks and gray streaks in my hair nor the paint I cannot remove from the beds of my fingernails.

Yes, I am clean - just not neat.

Pictures later, I have to get some clothes washed today and since it's supposed to be cold tonight that means get along little doggy will be coming in the house and I really don't want her rubbing on wet paint.

One of us with painted hair is enough in this family.

Easter Weekend

2011-04-23T09:53:00.002-05:00

So yesterday was Good Friday. We took a little road trip to Lafayette to visit my husbands brother and his wife.

Most of the family was there, we ate crawfish, drank a little beer and had the happy surprise of his niece and her boyfriend announce that they are engaged to be married.

A happy day all around.

And just remember this, when you eat crawfish and you've cleaned your hands off, you do not touch your eyes. You never actually get all the boil off and that stuff burns.

I Feel Sorry for Rebecca Black

2011-04-21T10:03:00.000-05:00

I'm not a big "famous people" watcher. You give me a name of a current actor or actress or singer or whatever and chances are pretty good I'd have to google them to find out who the hell you're talking about. Of course, it also depends on the age of the actor, actress, singer, whatever.

So anyway, through my internet cruising I've been hearing about a young lady named Rebecca Black and most of what I hear is along the lines of "stupid", "vapid".

I couldn't imagine what the hell she could have done to inspire people to be so ugly so I googled her.

Talk about disappointed. A SONG? She made a fucking PERKY song?

I am absolutely stunned that a happy, upbeat, bubblegum rock song has inspired such disgust from people. You have no idea how glad I am that people are so pissed off about this song rather than expounding all that energy on something stupid like helping out their local food bank or pet shelter or local soup kitchen.

No, obviously nothing of substance angers people more than a happy, upbeat, bubblegum rock song.

It's bubblegum rock - it's not supposed to be mind blowing.

Oh, wait, I know, it must be lacking what people seem to want in a song: cussing, killing, drugs, alcohol, taking down authority, SEX.

It's not a grammy winning song but I don't believe it was meant to be. (Oh Mickey! anyone?) As video's go, it's no more foolish than any of the video's by "real" artists. (Don't get me started here. I was glued to MTV the very first day it aired.)

Oh wait! I know why the video is stupid and Miss Black is an idiot! SHE KEEPS HER CLOTHES ON! YOU CAN'T SEE HER HOO HA! HER BOOBS AREN'T SET FREE! I'll bet you she's even wearing underwear AND a bra. The horror.

It's a song with a catchy little beat and clean lyrics that you can actually let a child listen to and not worry about what crap they'll be asking about after they listen. I'd rather have a little kid ask about days of the week than condoms.

Miss Black, I truly feel sorry for you. Don't let the assholes of the world stop you from doing what you love to do.

I Did It. Go Me.

2011-04-17T16:59:00.000-05:00

I am very happy to report that I have actually completed a project.

Yeah, I'm kinda surprised myself.

Remember the "weekend" project I started a month ago? The pantry. All I wanted to do was paint the pantry so I could feel like I accomplished something in the kitchen.

A month later I have finished. And I have to admit I'm very pleased with myself. I love the color and I think it will look great in the kitchen.

Now my spices are on the door where they're supposed to be and everything is nicely organized.

I think I'll tackle the area behind the fridge this week. Not as much wall to screw up.

You have no idea how happy I am to have my kitchen table back.

Stupid Laws in Louisiana

2011-04-09T08:30:00.001-05:00

A law was passed with the specific intent of stating the punishment for stealing crawfish.

Persons could land in jail for up to ten years for stealing an alligator.

It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (So, does that mean it's okay to actually shoot the teller with bullets? How about if the water pistol is full of wine? White wine, so it doesn't stain.)

Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.

Every time a person is seriously burned, he must report the injury to the fire marshal. (I'd spend so much time on the freaking phone with the fire department I'd never finish cooking!)

You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant. (Where the hell AM I supposed to put him while I run into the store for some milk?)

A Week in Review

2011-04-08T08:30:00.001-05:00

Instead of actually painting and fixing this week I decided I needed to concentrate on getting the old Nightmare clean so at least we can live in clean chaos. As a result there's been quite a bit of dusting, mopping, vacuuming, toilet scrubbing and all the other little lovely things that keep a house from being put on the quarantine list.

Actually, this all started because our kinda, sorta but not really step-son moved out last week and I don't think he had cleaned his room once since he moved in. I sure wasn't going to clean it. You're over the age of ten you can clean it yourself. Yeah, and guess who gets to clean it now? I swear there's about three feet of dust in that room.

Basically I'm trying to put myself on a cleaning schedule to make my life easier and less of a pig sty. Believe it or not I tend to operate a whole lot better on a schedule and with a clean, tidy house. I realize that the "tidy" part is a little difficult right now. As a result, this probably won't last long.

I started in the kitchen. Vacuumed the floor, mopped and then wiped the cabinets and counter tops down to get rid of all the grit that I create every time I sand something.

I really don't know why I got rid of the grit. I'm getting used to it. It's the secret ingredient in so many meals lately. I could probably sweep it all into a pot, doctor it up with garlic, bacon grease, cream and cheddar and serve it for dinner with eggs. We wouldn't know the difference between grit and grits.

And that, my friends, is my life.

By the way, if you're interested, I've decided on Light French Gray by Behr for the kitchen walls. Not too dark, not too light, but just right.

And because my husband is afraid the entire inside of the house is going to be white I am painting the pantry door cherry red.

See? I can do color.

It will probably drive him crazy.

Mother of the Year

2011-04-07T15:10:00.000-05:00

Short, sweet and to the point. Yes, really.

Daughter 1 was about seven years old, it was a Friday evening and we were packing to go camping with the boy scouts for the weekend. She took off riding her bike. We were taking two cars because the girls had plans the next day and I would have to bring them back to town. So the husband at the time, son and daughter 2 got into the fully loaded truck and went on their merry way.

Shortly after they left daughter 1 is delivered to me by some strange person from down the street. She fell off her bike and put her arm straight out to stop herself from hitting the concrete face first. Her arm hurt and she couldn't ride the bike so the lovely strange man brought her home.

I stick her in the car and take her to her doctors office for a little emergency visit. Her doctor isn't there, neither are either of the other two doctors that I knew and liked. This one was a new partner. He determined that her arm was merely sprained.

So we went camping for the weekend. And we got the polar bear award. And we stayed in the same clothes for three days. There were no bathroom facilities.

On Monday I sent her to gymnastics class. She came home with her elbow swollen like a grapefruit.

I called the doctors office and he sent us directly to an orthopedist.

She had a broken elbow and it was broken directly across the joint - hairline fracture. She got the cast on that day.

I never took her to that doctor again and knew I should have taken her to the emergency room but I didn't. So there.

Her orthopedist has become a constant fixture in her life since, like her mother, she falls at the oddest times and neither one of us has ever met a hole we didn't fall in.

And THAT, my friends, is how you become Mother of the Year.

Thank you.

A Peak at the Nightmare

2011-04-02T08:30:00.001-05:00

Here at Chez Nightmare things have been plodding along. I actually mean that. We are very good at plodding. Not too great at accomplishing, but excellent at plodding.

Okay, so I really have to get something accomplished. This is three years of depressing and I'm not getting any younger. So I took stock of the kitchen and a little light bulb went off. The pantry. A weekend project and ONE PART of the kitchen will be done.

That was two weekend's ago.

The first weekend I had my husband help me remove the pantry door - after I moved the thousand of spices that reside on the the inside of the pantry door to the kitchen table. It's not like we're using it for anything other than storage anyway.

Then the door came down.

Then I took the spice rack off the door, took the door outside and sanded it. Then it got wiped down and I put two coats of primer on each side and then I had a mild breakdown.

The next day I put two more coats of primer (that brown is definitely difficult to cover) and then forgot about it.

During the week off came the shelves. I gotta tell you, it took me almost an hour to empty the pantry. I was getting a little disillusioned by this point. Once the shelves came off it was pretty much "what the hell is that?".

I can't believe I'm showing this. That is the back wall of the pantry near the bottom. I don't ever remember anything exploding in the pantry, though I'm sure it's completely possible something did (then the question is WHO cleaned the shelf and not the wall?) and I know for certain it wasn't there when I bought the house in 1998. I will tell you that wall got the ever living crap scrubbed out of it with dawn and bleach.

It took six coats of primer to cover the stupid whatever.

You've already seen the kitchen table so here's a shelf that's in the office with the rest of the pantry items on it. Don't expect to be able to locate anything in a decent amount of time.

On another note, I'm almost finished priming the shelves and the door frames. Hopefully the pantry will be done soon and I can actually claim I FINISHED something.

I can hear my mother rolling in her grave and laughing her butt off.

Don't They Look Nice?

2011-03-31T08:30:00.001-05:00

Yes, the husband and I went to the sorority function and even dressed up. I forgot to put on make up and was sweating by the time we got there. I was glamorous.

The girl, on the other hand, looked lovely. And her beau isn't too bad himself. (He's actually a nice young man and we do like him.)

Really?

2011-03-23T12:18:00.001-05:00

This weekend we have a black tie event to go to (yeah, I'm just as shocked as you). Daughter 1 is in a sorority at college and they're presenting their new girls this weekend.

I get to spend a $150 bucks to rent a tux for my husband. In this economy? Really?

I will be wearing a black cocktail dress, already in my closet at no cost to myself. And black heels.

In light of the fact that I actually will be wearing high heeled shoes this weekend I dropped a 10 inch skillet on my big toe yesterday.

It's lightly black and blue (my toe, not the skillet) and doesn't like to be touched.

But I WILL wear those heels on Saturday.

I believe my daughter would be offended if I wore my fuzzy pink slippers.

Random

2011-03-15T08:30:00.002-05:00

Last Thursday, while sitting in my chair at my office, I turned and stretched my arm out to put a piece of paper away and something snapped in my back. Yes, I threw my back out while sitting in a chair. At work. I told my boss this was a workers comp claim and I wanted time off and money. He laughed and said he hoped I felt better and if I needed to go home he'd take me. With all the sympathy I asked for a raise. I went back to my desk as he was laughing.

I ask for a raise every week, I was hoping for a sympathy raise. No, I didn't get it.

Moving on Friday was painful, not to mention forget about sleep.

I worked all weekend doing extra typing. I've got more to do. Another week shot to shit.

How am I supposed to work on this house if I keep having to type?

At least you can type with back issues. No bending involved.

It feels a whole lot better now, thank you for asking.

I've actually been able to have the windows open the last few days. I love being able to open my windows and let the fresh air in.

The gardens are in horrible condition and planting season seems to be coming faster and faster every year.

I must be getting old.

I finally chose some colors to repaint the house. I think. I've changed my mind so many times even I can't keep it straight. We really need to paint this pitiful house. I've been informed that K&B purple is out of question so I'm thinking a sagey greeny gray color.

My husband has decided to learn to hang sheet rock. Probably not by choice. Okay, definitely not by choice.

He also started cleaning the pool this weekend. It might be done by May. We are "those" people who let the pool go green in the winter and each spring we say we'll never do that again and we'll continue to keep it clean through the winter so it'll be easier to "open" come May.

I think shaving all the animals will solve the pet hair issue I seem to be having.

I told you this was random. You were warned.

Greenish or Random or Whatever

2011-03-14T08:30:00.002-05:00

My husband and I try to be "green". Of course, it wasn't until a few years ago that that's what it started being called, we just called it recycling, reusing and making as little trash as possible. You know, kinda like our parents and grandparents did.

We had two large trash cans and two little green recycling bins (the size of a laundry basket - really?). Our trash cans were always full and the recycling bins were always overflowing. We would put excess recycling into empty dog food bags and prop them up against the recycling bins and still have stuff that would need just sit, waiting to be put out the following week. People, at that time we went through six gallons of milk a week alone (just to give you an idea of how much recycling there was).

Then the city gave us a huge trash can and an equally huge recycling bin - with a list of everything you could recycle - no more guessing. Yeah! It can all go out at once.

Our trash gets picked up twice a week, the recycling gets picked up once a week. During a normal week our large trash can usually has two bags of trash in it, maybe three. The recycling bin? Always full and yes, there is still a backlog. I need the pick up schedule reversed but I strongly suspect I'd be one of the few in my neighborhood that would need that.

Anyway, we also have two compost bins for all the vegetable matter, the things that became science experiments in the fridge before my very eyes (okay, they got lost), stale bread, coffee and tea grounds, fruit peelings, etc. Except for things like carrot peels and onion skins and the bits of celery and garlic or left over cabbage leaves or left over green onions, the ends of green beans - you get it - those go into a bag in the freezer and get turned into chicken stock or veg stock for the freezer. If it's veg stock, after I strain out the veggies I put them into the compost. I admit to being too lazy to pick out chicken bones and stuff when I make chicken broth.

In the summer I've been known to leave buckets out if it's going to rain to catch the rainwater. My husband laughs at me but any little bit that doesn't have to come out of my faucet is saving dollars. (Could've used an old fashioned cistern when we grew the corn - who knew it took so much water? But it was the yummiest corn I've had in a long time.)

Any how, my point is this: I was standing at the kitchen sink peeling carrots the other day and I just wanted to throw the peelings down the disposal and call it done. I was tired and cranky and sick to death of doing my little bit to try and save the planet. It's easier not to.

The peelings went in the freezer bag for stock.

Some habits cannot be broken, even when you're tired and cranky.

Blog Comments

2011-03-13T08:30:00.001-05:00

There are several blogs that I read regularly. Even if you don't post on any set schedule I always like to check "just in case". Of course, then there are those time when I'm too busy doing "stuff" to sit in front of a computer or I've been in front of a computer all day and really can't stand the thought of sitting there again - even for something pleasurable.

I have discovered that I'm more of a lurker than a regular commenter. Why? I don't know. Sometimes I'm quite late to the post and don't know whether someone will see the comment or not, sometimes I'm not sure that I really have anything relevant to say and sometimes I can't get the posting thing to work and give up in frustration. Strange.

I never claimed to be the brightest bulb in the box.

Piercing - Holy Crap

2011-03-12T08:30:00.002-06:00

Just so you can think I'm a crappy mother I'm going to tell you a little story.

When my kids were little it was their choice whether or not to get their ears pierced. I'm not one of those mother's who is going to purposely poke holes in my child without their permission. Vaccines? Yes, poke the hole in their little thigh but they get to decide about the nose and eyebrow rings and tongue studs.

So, when the son hit sixteen, he wanted to get his ears pierced. Daughter 2 wanted to get her ears pierced about this time, she was probably eight or nine. The first time she wanted to get her ears done she was five. It lasted about three weeks before she begged to have them pulled out of her ears.

So for the second time around daughter 2 had a requirement: it was cool that her brother was going to pierce his ears but she wanted my husband (step father) to get his ear pierced as well.

Well, we all trooped off to the mall and everyone got various ears pierced. (Except me and daughter 1, we both already had our ears pierced and I had two holes in my ears. We were off the hook cause nothing else was getting pierced on these bodies.)

Fast forward a bunch of years. Son got the eyebrow pierced, the tongue pierced and a tattoo across his shoulders and that's all that I know about. He has since taken out the eyebrow and the tongue thing. The tattoo is permanent but you can't see it if he's got a shirt on. Yes, he did use some common sense.

Anyway, I digress, daughter 2 now is heading quickly toward sixteen. And she has put two more holes in her head. She asked if I would take her to get the belly button pierced. After thinking about it I said okay.

She thought it through, did some research and really wanted to do it and I can deal with it because it's hidden.

It looked like it hurt like hell. I have pictures to prove it.

There is a reason nothing but my ears ever got pierced.

I am a pain wuss.

She, however, is incredibly pleased.

Gotta Get The 'Gators

2011-03-11T08:30:00.010-06:00

Why I'm telling you this I have no idea. I guess because it amused me.

Last November I had my gall removed. Before they removed it they actually had to figure out what was wrong with me which involved (shocker!) lots of medical testing.

One of the tests, they stuck a tube down my throat and looked at whatever the hell it was they were supposed to look at.

It was a ten minute procedure.

They knocked me out.

I vividly remember when they wheeled me out of the testing room, down the hall to the "recovery" area I decided to speak.

What wonderful knowledge did I bless them with?

The words I heard myself saying were: Gotta get the gators off the porch!

Oh, hell yeah.

I live in suburbia. I ain't got no gators. Not all south Louisiana has a gator problem.

What the hell was I talking about?

I hope the nurses went home with a story to tell.

GOTTA GET THE GATORS OFF THE PORCH!!!!

Obviously I should not be given anesthesia.

A Wonderous Thing

2011-03-10T08:30:00.004-06:00

We have this "kid" who lives with us. He moved in right around the time he was turning seventeen. He's not ours, but he sorta is, so I call him "my kinda sorta not really step-son". He's a good kid. (Kid, he's twenty-one now.) He's respectful, polite, if I leave a list of things to do and he's home they are done before I get home. He helps me move heavy stuff if my husband isn't around. He's going on a mission soon and will be leaving us. (He's Mormon. I think it took him a little while to adjust to living with wayward Catholics.)

Anyway, point being he knows when his mission is finished in two years he's got a place to stay if he needs one.

Last night he emptied the dishwasher unasked.

My husband came outside and gave me this really odd look and said, "He's unloading the dishwasher."

Me: Who?

Husband: Our kinda sorta not really step-son.

Me: He's unloading the dishwasher?

Husband: Yeah.

Me: Did you ask him to?

Husband: No.

Me: What does he want?

Husband: You ask him.

I did ask him. Turns out he went to open the dishwasher to put a glass in and the flapper flapped up and twanged so anyone in the house knew he opened a clean dishwasher. He couldn't get out of it.

(Yes, our rule is if you open the dishwasher and it's clean and the little flapper thing pops up you are required to empty the dishwasher.)

He forgot about the rule until he heard the noise.

Thank God. I really hate emptying the dishwasher and touching all those squeaky-clean dishes.

How's Your Liver?

2011-03-09T08:30:00.001-06:00

Mardi Gras is over kiddies. It's time for Lent and you know what that means.

Your liver gets a break and can attempt to heal itself from the last several weeks of marinating in alcohol.

Let your liver live!!!!

At least for the next 40 days.

Then we can celebrate Easter with crawfish and beer!

Hey Mister!

2011-03-08T08:30:00.001-06:00

Happy Mardi Gras.

Drink your hearts content, keep your clothes on and pray you find a bathroom.

Laissez les bon temps rouler!

My First Mother of the Year Award

2011-03-07T08:30:00.001-06:00

I was a first time mother. It was my first outing alone with my brand new baby boy.

The diaper bag was packed. I had to make three or four trips to the car to get everything loaded.

I carefully backed out of the carport and started backing down the driveway. I looked in the back seat to check out my adorable baby.

I put the car in gear and drove back up the driveway and back underneath the carport.

I went in the house and picked up the baby in the baby carrier where I had managed to leave him sitting on the kitchen floor.

Then I loaded him in the car and we went on our merry way.

When my then husband came home that night I immediately told him I forgot to pack the baby. I called my mother, my sister, my friends.

Yes, they all assured me I was a horrible mother and that the baby police would come take my baby away and give it to a more responsible mother.

Actually what my mother said was, "If that's the worst thing happens in your life consider yourself lucky.".

How true.

The Best Part of This Time of the Year?

2011-03-06T08:30:00.008-06:00

It's crawfish season.

One of the most delicious times of the year.

Gotta get some.

Is This What Aging is About?

2011-03-05T08:30:00.008-06:00

I used to not be so scatter-brained. I decided a room had to be painted, furniture was moved, whatever had to be taped was taped and the painting began. Two days later the room was back to normal.

I used to cut the grass - before husband, please, let's get that straight. I have absolutely no upper body strength and can't even start the stupid lawnmower any more. (Yes, mom, I'm well aware it's something I should "work" on. I lift a glass of wine. That counts as exercise, right?)

Anyway, point being I would cut the grass, then edge and weed-eat, then clean.

My house once was always clean. Even with little kids underfoot that sucker was clean. Eat off my floors clean. Every day. I had to be in that house every day and no way in hell was I going to be in a dirty house.

Now, I start dinner. Next thing you know I've decided a load of clothes needs to be washed so I go and sort all the clothes into nice color specific piles. Then I smell onions burning and realize I forgot about dinner so I'm back to the kitchen chopping fresh and starting over.

I paint the doors (they are beautiful by the way, and white!) and walk down the hall and realize all those photos I had hanging in the hallway at one point in time have left thousands of holes in the wall so I head back to the kitchen and get the spackle. Holes completely spackled I bring the container back into the kitchen and realize there are some holes in the kitchen entry area that need to be filled.

Before I know it I'm wiping down walls and dusting ceilings.

When I go to bed the laundry is in nice little piles in my bedroom waiting for its trip to the laundry room.

I'll walk outside to wash my entry way carpet. I hang it and next thing I'm doing is pulling weeds or cutting back the sage plant or sweeping the patio.

What goes on in my brain?

I have no idea.

This carpet has been hanging here for a week waiting for it's scrub down. THAT much I do know.

I think the side garden needs to be weeded.

The Little Things

2011-03-04T08:30:00.001-06:00

Everyone has their own "thing" that makes them happy. Jewelry, a new car, a boat, a new house. For me, it's doors - well, for right now it's doors.

Our house was built in the 1971. Window sills and baseboards and half the wood in the house is dry and splitting or cracked.

I hate dark brown in massive quantities. It depresses me when it's all around me. Our hallway is dark, dingy and lots of brown doors. Five brown doors. Five brown door frames.

I got two brand new doors (and door frames) last week. They are currently being painted white. According to the can of paint, Brilliant White.

My hallway with two new white door frames. The last door is a bathroom door. We haven't decided if that one comes down and we put in new or sand, stain and paint. To me, new is easier, my husband does all the work. And he is proficient at door hanging now.

I believe it was a skill he never thought he'd have to have.

But I strongly suspect "pool cleaner" wasn't on the top of his list, either.

Two new doors with their second coats of White paint, drying.

Told you I was a good picture taker.

So there you have it. This weeks happiness factor for Karen - white doors.

Maybe next weeks happy factor will have to do with spackle.

Now there's something to look forward to.

(you know spackle will always have a special place in my heart)

The Big Black Girl Dog

2011-03-03T08:30:00.001-06:00

You know, I call her that all the time. You think I'd change her name to that. Her real name is "Girl". Original, but the only thing she would answer to when we got her. And now that she has escaped from our yard on numerous occasions the entire neighborhood knows her name and I couldn't possibly change it. No, WE don't know the neighbors, our dog does.

Joe

2011-03-02T08:30:00.002-06:00

This is the oddest cat I have ever owned. He walks in front of you and stands on his hind legs like a merkat. He hates being held for longer than two seconds but always wants your attention. How, pray tell, can you give a cat attention when it spends ninety percent of it's day hiding from the world?

I got him that way, it's not my fault.

Why is this picture from Christmas? Because that's the last time I was able to get a clearish photo of him. Very skittish.

Miss Kitty

2011-03-01T08:30:00.001-06:00

One of the residents of our humble, falling apart through no fault of it's own, home.

She is sweet, cuddly and probably my favorite of our animals. I feed her, she purrs, gets a quick pet and we're done for the day. Unless she decides to try to kill me when I'm cooking or lugging the laundry basket around. Then, not so much.

Obviously she helps me type as well.

Busy? Aren't We All?

2011-02-28T13:51:00.000-06:00

Yes, I've been gone. Sometimes life gets in the way of doing absolutely nothing but sitting in front of the computer. Work stuff, family stuff it all takes control sooner or later and you're forced to actually interact with a live person. Gives me the willies.

Anyway, I give you great works of photography. Thank you.

In between my kitchen and "office" (which is really a formal dining room and we all know that I live for formal rooms) was a louvered door. I took it down.

Before:

It's lovely, I know. It is louvered. It is dark brown.

It is gone.

There was a double door just like this one on the other side of the formal dining room and it too is now gone.

I'd show you a picture but there's laundry hanging in the door frame drying and I'm too lazy to move it.

I am exciting. I know.

Blackened

2011-02-25T21:32:00.000-06:00

You remember way back when when "blackened" red fish became so popular? So popular that our red fish population almost became extinct and all of a sudden they became one of those fish you weren't allowed to fish for unless they were at least 12 inches long (or something like that)?

Yeah, well I can remember going to restaurants and getting something "blackened" and all I tasted was a giant salt lick.

When I made this statement to my then MIL you know what she told me?

"Anything that comes out of the kitchen "blackened" means it's supposed to go in the trash because you messed it up."

She was born and raised on the river - that woman may have been a bitch from hell to me but she sure could cook!

Anytime I see anything blackened on the menu I steer clear of it - pay attention - all you'll end up tasting is salt by the end of the evening and if you don't taste the salt you'll wonder why you drank a gallon of water.

You actually CAN learn something from someone who treats you like a red-headed step-child.

Who knew?

Sometimes I Feel Like My Daughters When They Were Little

2011-02-19T13:28:00.000-06:00

Today when I got up it was chilly in the house. Just for the record - it's always chilly in our house. I think it's the size of the eaves.

Anyway I put on sweatpants and a tank top. I knew it was going to be warmer today. (Supposed to be in the mid to high seventies.)

Ten minutes later I changed the sweatpants for shorts.

After than I changed the tank for a short sleeve shirt (I'm painting today and it's already paint spattered.)

Then I changed my sweatpants for shorts again.

Then I took off the slippers (my preferred footwear) and added socks and tennis shoes.

What does this have to do with my daughters? When they were little they would change their clothes ten times a day. I kid you not. They never ended the day in the same outfit they started the day with and I just put all the "worn" clothes back in the drawer for the next day because they'd do it all over again.

I'll probably change at least two more times today.

What am I, five?

Dusting

2011-02-19T12:46:00.000-06:00

When you decide to dust your ceiling and don't feel like dragging out the vacuum to do a really good job, don't use dryer sheets.

The swiffer cloths work much better and don't rip the popcorn off the ceiling, thereby giving you yet another job that needs to be done.

Just my words of wisdom for today.

Carry on.

Today's Weather

2011-02-14T17:01:00.002-06:00

Y'all it got up to 72 degrees here today.

Yea!

Holidays

2011-02-14T11:21:00.000-06:00

In our home we don't celebrate many holidays. Oh, I may cook for them and I will use them as an excuse to have people over to eat but there's not a whole lot of gift giving holidays I approve of.

Actually there are three. Yes, only three gift giving holidays exist in my world. Birthdays, Anniversaries and Christmas.

My husband has a problem with this and really doesn't believe me. Yes, he says he believes me but then you see the doubt flicker across his face as he's wondering if I'll pitch a fit if he doesn't get me a gift on Valentines.

To me it's not a real holiday. It's a commercial holiday. Please spend money. My reply is "no".

My husband has a problem with my "no gift" policy. You think he'd be happy to get out of buying me something.

Truth is, my husband is a romantic at heart. Oh yes he is. He loves picking out the perfect gift, he brings me flowers for no reason whatsoever, a candlelit dinner is right up his alley, he cooks for me, he's been known to wash all the clothes and towels and scrub the kitchen on his Friday off so I come home to fewer chores, he's been known to meet me at the grocery store with my coat when the weather took a quick cold turn and he knew I didn't have a coat with me and he bought me sparklers for our first fourth of July together after I told him a story about them. He once gave me the moon.

I do believe that it probably kills him to miss an opportunity to buy me something.

On Saturday he went to the grocery store to pick up a few items we needed. I was working (lovely transcription filled my weekend). When he came in I got up to help him bring in the groceries and put them away.

He handed me a lovely potted tulip plant with deep purple blossoms.

"Happy fake holiday" he said.

And that's a perfect gift.

Me

2011-02-11T12:12:00.000-06:00

Because Simply Suthern tagged me I will do this. I like him. You should, too.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?
Both. Truly annoying family members.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
For my kids to be truly happy.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
People with teeny, tiny closed minds.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Pay off my house, help out my kids and give to the food bank and hospice.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Music.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I think they're both blessings.

7. What is your bedtime routine?
Yell at the cats, make the dog go potty, lock up the house, take a bath, teeth, bed.

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
Picked him up at a bar. For real.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?
I love to watch the glass blowers. I find it mesmerizing.

10. What kinds of books do you read?
Ficton.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
Older, with a finished kitchen.

12. What’s your fear?
Never finishing "fixing up" the house. Stupid house.

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
Dip before space. Always.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
I much prefer being married. Being rich or poor is a state of mind because sometimes I feel rich if I have twenty bucks to spend and sometimes I'll feel poor because ALL I have is twenty bucks. I prefer "feeling" rich to "feeling" poor.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Curse at the alarm clock. As if it's the fault of the clock that I have to get up.

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
His hearing. It would be a little more acute.

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
I like my name. Why would I want to be someone different?

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
To err is human, to forgive divine. To forget is stupid.

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
Jalapeno poppers wrapped in bacon. Maybe dip and chips. Hamburger dip with fritos. Hummus and garlic crackers. Obviously I can't make up my mind. Something snacky.

Now I'm supposed to tag four blog friends. But I'm not. You want to do it, let me know. Or not.

Obviously I've chosen not to work at work today.

I do, however, have to finish payroll.

Happy Friday.

Freecycle - Love It!

2011-02-10T19:37:00.001-06:00

This will be quick, I'm making chicken andouille gumbo and potato salad for dinner tonight. Why, yes, thank you, it will be good.

So last weekend I spent two days in the attic. I KNOW - exciting. Anyway, I brought down about five boxes of crap. Obviously at some point in time it was keepable crap. I also brought down a huge black trash bag full of - trash. What on earth were we doing up there? And when?

Anyway, Freecycle is where I've been for the last few days. I found good stuff like Wilton cake pans - those things are expensive - I used to do a little cake decorating. They went fast. Toddler toys - gone. All of them!!!! And cleaning out the cabinet in the living room I found about eleventy billion Disney VHS tapes. All gone.

I've also been typing this week. I really hate this time of year, it tends to be busy in the "extra" work category. (I am truly looking forward to ending this part time job.)

So, in summation: I love Freecycle.

Oh yeah, just so you don't think I haven't been doing any work on the house, I took down a louvered door (I hate louvered doors - I'm the one that has to dust them) between the kitchen and office (in its' previously life it was a formal dining room). I had no idea how to take it down but I figured it out. After it fell on my head my husband took it out the street for the garbage man to pick up.

Gone in fifteen minutes - no landfill for that baby!

My trash is someone else's treasure.

I love recycling.

Memories of New York

2011-02-03T13:29:00.000-06:00

Someone at work asked me what I remember about living in New York. Truth? Not a whole lot.

Supposedly I was born in New York, but for the life of me I can't remember the momentous event. My mother probably did. Then we moved to Pennsylvania. I don't remember that one either. And then back to New York.

We lived West Webster in a rather large house. My mother saw five bedrooms and went out and got herself a full time job so we could get it.

The basement was scary. I still hate stairs that have open backs on them.

My brother pushing me head first into a snow bank to get one his friends boots that had come off.

My mother shoveling the driveway and being royally pissed when the snow plow came through and it had to be shoveled again.

The big mound of snow at the end of the driveway that became our fort or a slide.

Our neighbors on one side had an above ground pool. No one went in it unless you were invited and the yard wasn't fenced. And one neighbor had a pool in their basement.

Lots of people in the neighborhood had gardens. We knew whose yard to sneak into the get the best berries and where to get the rhubarb. Yeah, we ate it raw, right out of the garden. Odd.

I shared a room with my sister - poor thing - who is ten years older than me. I don't think she was really happy with that arrangement.

My father and brothers built a canoe in the basement. I have no idea why.

We had a black lab named Mandy. I thought for a long time that her name was God Damn it. She was an escape artist and loved the creek that ran through our neighborhood.

Our Siamese Cocoa. He was the most loving cat I've ever seen. You sit, he sat on you. He slept across my brothers neck at night.

When it thundered my father would tell me it Thor striking his hammer. There were no angels bowling in our family but there were alot of Norsk Gods and Goddesses, screwing with our minds for years.

We slept with the windows open in nice weather. There was no a/c. The heat registers were on the floor and my brother and I used to stand over them when the heat came on.

My mother had a sweet pea plant. She never got any because I would eat them all right off the vine. I still love them to this day, right off the vine.

My sister took us apple picking one fall.

There was a drive in movie.

We would go to Carvel Ice Cream sometimes and I'd get a soft serve, vanilla cone. That was my favorite treat.

The old fire station would flood their parking lot in the winter and that was our ice skating rink. I remember the year I graduated from double bladed skates to my first pair of white leather single blade skates!!!!! We moved the next fall. Not much use for ice skates here.

Sometimes we had snow at Easter but you still wore your good Easter clothes and white shoes.

Every day when my sister came home from school she would watch Dark Shadows. I'd sit with her with my hands over my face most of the time. It took me years to get over my fear of vampires. Maybe that's why I eat huge amounts of garlic now.

One year my sister's birthday fell on Thanksgiving. We moved our dining room table into the den and added the ping pong table to the end of it because so many people came for dinner that year.

We rode our bikes in the vacant land behind our subdivision all the way to Gravel Road - because we weren't allowed to go there. My mom's dead now so she can't yell at me about that.

Bedtime - every night without fail: I'd get my bath, have desert, brush my teeth and my mom would tuck me in bed. And every night I'd say the same thing: Leave the hall light on, leave the door open and tell Claudie to go to bed. I was scared of the dark, the shadows were alive and I didn't like to sleep by myself. I don't think Claudie came to bed at 8:00.

When I would go grocery shopping with my mom after you checked out the groceries were put on a conveyor belt that took them outside so you could go get your car and someone would load them for you. Sometimes they let me ride on the belt with the groceries.

They only time we had chips and dip in the house was at Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I seldom had a coke of any kind.

A shot of creme de menthe Christmas eve to make me go to sleep. My parents were BIG on getting kids to sleep. (My grandmother advocated a shot of whiskey for everything. Teething? Whiskey on the gums. Cough? A sip of whiskey. Scratchy throat? Whiskey and honey.)

So much for New York.

Maybe it's hazy because of all the whiskey.

Gardens

2011-01-31T15:06:00.000-06:00

So, my husband and I were talking about the summer gardens the other day and since we really would like to get as much of the house completed as we can this year the decision was made to "go light" on the gardens.

Okay, he takes care of them, it was his decision. I just agreed with him.

So my little herb garden will have basil (one of the FEW plants I can't seem to kill on a regular basis), oregano, sage, rosemary, parsley and garlic chives (my other favorite! I can't seem to murder that one either).

The regular gardens will have a ton of tomatoes (we want to have some to put up in the freezer - I never get enough for that because we eat them too fast), green peppers, cucumbers and I asked for bush beans this year (I'm thinking I can hide a few sweet pea seeds around there, too).

Kinda makes me ready to garden, but we'll have to wait until March.

Sure hope that whole tomato dream works out for us.

Let Me Tell You

2011-01-23T15:53:00.000-06:00

Here's are just some random observations from the last week plus of transcription:

Your fingers, wrists, and elbows hurt. No one was meant to type this much.

Because of the above, you forget how to spell and become dyslexic.

The word "like" is completely overused and people need to re-learn vocabulary. Any idea how stupid you sound when the word "like" has been used forty-five times in one freaking sentence?! (oddly enough, age doesn't appear to matter for this one)

When your fingers get tired this is what happens:

Zeven = seven

turd = true

nad = and

tow = two

Should you ever have the opportunity to be a witness to an accident and someone needs a recorded statement from you, please remember the following:

Speak UP. There's nothing worse than listening to a recording a thousand times because someone is mumbling or sounds like they have rocks in their mouth. Enunciate clearly, please, for the love of God, I beg you.

Only answer the question. If it requires merely a yes or no then just answer yes or no. I really have no desire to have you ramble on about why you only have a cell number or only a home phone or why you moved. I don't care and neither does the interviewer.

If you are asked if you witnessed the incident and you say yes we will find out during the interview that what you actually saw was just the aftermath. You didn't actually see what happened. Your fifteen minutes are over and you have pissed a whole lot of people off for wasting their time. Thank you.

And this is the only thing I accomplished in the last week and a half:

My husband went to the grocery yesterday and brought home chicken. He cut it up and left me all the lovely bones. It appears the only thing I can accomplish when I have typing to do is make stock. Took me a minute to put it all in the pot and the house smelled lovely. He made bbq chicken for dinner with baked beans and roasted cauliflower. Our dog loves cauliflower. We still don't know what to make of her.

I'm going to rest my fingers. I transcribed 18 statements. I am exhausted. I don't think I have enough energy to lift a glass of "one note" wine.

I give you my microwave. Not literally. My husband would kill me.

I'm going to get wine.

Next week we'll be back to my regular nonsense.

AWOL

2011-01-20T07:47:00.002-06:00

I appear to have gone AWOL for a while. So sorry. Work is currently doing a little butt-kicking and tons of transcription is due.

The last ten days have been nothing but typing. I'm sure you'd love to see that action!

Cold and Raining

2011-01-09T13:35:00.000-06:00

Yes, that's the weather today. Yesterday was sunny and only lightly cold. If that's possible. Let me put it this way - I could be outside without a coat on and I was comfortable. Yes, I had on jeans and a sweater. I'm not a nudist. Yet.

Anyway, we thought the great microwave caper was over. We went to wally world yesterday and picked up not only a microwave but - are you ready for the excitement? - a new coffee pot! My coffee pot died three years ago and I've been too lazy to replace it. Yes, I know I'm pitiful, or lazy, or pitifully lazy. Take your pick.

Anyway, we get home and do the great unveiling and plug that sucker in and try it out. Y'all I could hear down the hall into my bedroom. That would be the room furthest from the kitchen.

It has been re-boxed and returned to wally world.

You get what you pay for.

The new microwave has been researched and ordered by my husband and will be here Wednesday. I know everyone is relieved.

My $8.00 coffee pot rocks.

Another Appliance Failure

2011-01-05T14:12:00.000-06:00

Microwave #3 has kicked the bucket. Last night I got home around 7:30. We had had a freebie lunch catered at work and after stuffing myself silly at work I still wasn't hungry. Gave my husband options from the leftovers in the fridge. He made his choices and I got the beans ready to be warmed.

Put the bowl in the microwave, dutifully covered it and turned the wonder machine on. Nothing. Tried it two more times, nothing. Husband unplugged it and plugged something else in the socket and the other electronic gadget worked. Definite microwave death.

He was devastated. Hates being without a microwave. Told me he'd just have a grilled cheese sandwich.

I did something odd: I put the beans in a pot and reheated them on the stove! I wrapped the pork roast in tin foil and put it in the toaster oven to warm! (no way was I turning on the oven for four ounces of meat) In ten minutes his dinner was warm and it all it needed was potato salad on the side.

Yes, it is indeed possible to live without a microwave.

There is no doubt in my mind we'll be buying one soon.

He wouldn't be able to take it.

2011

2011-01-02T12:10:00.000-06:00

It's 2011 and I'm contemplating sanding the wooden soffits above my kitchen cabinets and then I'm thinking spackle. We have not talked enough about spackle on this blog.

I am nothing if not exciting.

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T08:30:00.002-06:00

Today's menu brings us black-eyed peas, rice, bread, cabbage smothered with tasso and andouille, honey baked ham, bourbon mashed sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie.

Here's to a bright new year.

Bring it on.

New Years Eve

2010-12-31T08:30:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year to everyone.

My husband and I don't really celebrate New Years Eve. We used to go out but you know what? It's a whole lot easier to stay home, watch a movie and not have to worry about the crazies on the road.

We can light a fire in the fireplace (you know, if it's not 80 degrees outside), have some wine, look around the nightmare and discuss the future and the past, have more wine and end up going to bed by eleven.

Oh yes, we are exciting.

My son had a party at the house about two years ago. One rule had to be followed: whoever walked in the house had to give up their keys. They had to be prepared to spend the night or they could call their parents to come get them. Keys would be returned the next morning.

Who knew? They were more than willing to do it.

There were alot of bodies on the floor that night and I didn't even kill any of them.

It was cold that year so they had a fire in the chimenea and pulled their chairs around it, the radio played and they sang and talked the night away.

It was a nice way to spend New Years Eve.

We still went to be early.

Two Southern Sayings

2010-12-30T08:30:00.001-06:00

These are two of my favorites:

Bless Your/Her/His Heart. Love it. You can anything you want to about somebody as long as this is trailing behind. "He's dumber than dirt, bless his heart."

Isn't that special. My personal favorite. Translation: Who gives a shit. "My husband just bought me the latest, greatest, (enter whatever here.)." The proper response? "Well, isn't that special."

I do love the South.

Your Children Are So Nice

2010-12-29T08:30:00.007-06:00

"Your children are so nice." This from a co-worker.

I looked at my coworker. (Hers aren't what you would call well behaved.) I smiled. Then I said the words she really didn't want to hear.

"I wasn't supposed to be their FRIEND, I was supposed to be their MOTHER. I can be their friend when they're thirty."

I never wanted to be my child's' friend. It wasn't my job. I could play with them all I wanted but ultimately I was the one in charge.

It was my job to help them learn to walk and talk, be polite, clean their rooms, learn to make breakfast, lunch and dinner, do homework, feed the animals, change cat litter, pick up toys when they were finished with them, set the table, clean the table, make polite conversation, have manners, go to bed on time whether they liked it or not, be nice to their brother/sister, share! MY GOD SHARE YOUR TOYS.

It was my job to make sure my children said the proper words: please, thank you, yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, pardon me?

It was my job to teach them that when you were using an elevator you ALWAYS let the people off before you attempt to get on.

When you see someone older than you entering a place at the same time as you are, you ALWAYS open the door for them.

If you're male you always open the door for a lady. Even if she's dressed like a hooker as so many girls appear to dress today.

You're a man? You always open and close the car door for the lady - even after she goes from girlfriend to wife - yeah - that means forever.

It was my job to force them to share toys whether they wanted to or not, to be nice to their friends, even when they were tired of visiting with them and to thank them for coming over.

I was never their friend.

One of my son's friends called me "She Who Must Be Obeyed" or "The Warden". I answered to not only those two but also "mom 2", "Miss Karen" and, oddly enough on one occasion "Hey You" (which was quickly followed by an apology but I was "needed" right then and my name slipped his mind).

When the friends mothers heard these names that were bestowed on me they were livid that their children called me this and, oh Lord, I DIDN'T MIND.

Why?

Because I was the mom who let them come over and be themselves. I was the mom going 'YOU ARE NOT HERE TO MESS WITH ME - GO PLAY WITH THE PERSON YOU CAME OVER TO ENTERTAIN" - which basically meant to leave me alone. When requests for "can we use the hose pipe" and "can we have a bar of soap" came together I was all for it. I guarantee you you put a mess of kids on a trampoline, give them the hose pipe and a bar of soap and they'll be cleaner when they leave than when they arrived. No kids were ever harmed and they would never have been able to do anything like that anywhere else.

I was the mom that threw the creative supplies at them on a rainy day and told them to make something. Requests for more sequins, glue guns and markers did not bother me at all.

I was the mom who is still finding paint and glitter on my kitchen floor after ten years. Sometimes in places you didn't think it was possible to find them.

I'm the mom who had a three year old whose favorite movie for years was "The Nightmare Before Christmas".

I was the mom who let the kids be kids and yeah, sometimes being a kid means a skinned knee or a cut on the hand. They tend to be "fixed" with a cleaning, a kiss and a band aid.

And that is why the kids liked to come to my house. I made them clean up, I put limits on them, I demanded they act properly and they kept coming back for more. And in return they were allowed to be themselves.

For everything I MADE them do or every particular way I made them behave, there was always something they got in return.

That is why your kids preferred my house to yours.

And that is why you should never be your child's friend. All you're doing is ruining their growing up.

Be the parent, not the friend and it's amazing what will happen.

Nightmare Update

2010-12-28T18:30:00.004-06:00

So, my husband is really getting motivated on the exterior of the house and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is good, right?

Now he's asking what colors I'm planning on painting and wants me to make a decision on whether we're getting tile or wood or something else in the kitchen and living room and office area and when do I want to rip up the carpet in the bedrooms and hold on there cowboy!

I can get my head around the colors for the exterior of the house. I get it. I'm pretty sure the ones I want and painting is cheap and, this is the kicker: we KNOW how to do it!

The ceiling in the kitchen needs to be painted before anything else can be done. A coat of primer and a coat of ceiling paint. No problem - I am a painting goddess. I just have to get motivated, or have wine and think about it. I don't know.

After the ceiling is done then he is planning on ripping out the sheet rock in the bathroom (you don't want to know the disaster I created in there. I should be shot.) and installing new.

And this, my friends, is how it starts.

So, since we'll be ripping/installing sheet rock the toilet will need to be removed. While the toilet's out we really need to rip up the two layers of linoleum because they DO have a small mold issue. And there was a lovely leak in the ceiling after Katrina and Rita and that left a spot on the bathroom ceiling and so we're going to rip off the texture and re-do the ceiling with something. (Wonderful - WHAT SOMETHING?)

With the ceiling and sheet rock fixed and the flooring removed we really need to remove the flooring in the entry way by the bathroom which is connected to the laundry room. Ready?

We're painting the kitchen ceiling, removing/replacing sheet rock in the kitchen bath, pulling up flooring in the bathroom, entry way and laundry.

That is where the "what kind of floor do you want" question came into play. And I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.

So from there it's just a short jump to painting the bath, hall and laundry room, laying whatever new floor, reinstalling the toilet and then I believe his idea is to rip up the floor in the kitchen as well.

Please be advised: WE will be installing whatever type of flooring I choose. We will purchase huge amounts of extras for the inevitable mistakes. The husband has installed tile in the kids bathroom and that was a couple of years ago but I really think that would be easiest in the bathrooms and entry way. At least we've got a little knowledge working for us there.

Yesterday he asked me if I'd been looking online for flooring options. I said no. He said why not. Look - I need to see it in person! I have to touch the floor and compare different colors, types, who knows what else.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We are a train wreck.

Anyway. He is motivated. He wants to go on vacation next year. One week in the mountains. He knows I'm not going anywhere until we at least have the outside done. Hell, the outside is probably the easiest. There really isn't a whole lot of fixing that needs to be done, just a wash down and paint.

I suppose I'll have some photos of works in progress and maybe of the minor and major nervous break downs that will probably occur.

It just gets better and better.

I Was A Stay At Home Mom

2010-12-28T08:30:00.001-06:00

I've done it all. When I was first married I worked in the corporate world - commercial lending to be precise. Loved it. Suits, stockings, hair properly done, makeup, high heels, the whole nine yards. Had a child. We got up every morning at 5:30, got dressed and it was off to day care by 6:30 where he was given a hot breakfast every morning. (you know, once he could eat real food, before that it was a bottle before we left.)

Then came baby #2 and I was still in the corporate world. Same thing only now I did it with two kids. One of them could actually take care of himself. The other, not so much. Wasn't hard, it was just what I did.

Then I stayed home.

For the first twelve weeks it was great. It was spring and then summer and there were plenty of trips to New Orleans to see Grandma and life was always busy. Then school started and life became different.

I was left at home with a two year old - alone. God help me.

Well, she learned to enjoy french onion soup, coloring on the walls and when you told that kid to go "clean" her room she put Mrs. Clean to shame!

She also learned a whole lot about volunteering at the school and by the time it was her turn to go to "big" school I really don't think it was any big deal.

Then came baby three. By that time I had things figured out and life was uncomplicated and peaceful. Yes, it can be that way when you have children. I don't thrive in a drama filled environment and refused to have one at my home. I also made sure my home was always clean and tidy, I worked in the yard, volunteered at school (probably more hours than a normal work week) and my children ate three home cooked meals a day, plus snacks.

There was one interesting thing that occurred time and time again. When I would go to functions with my husband (at the time) someone would invariably ask me what I did for a living. At first I said I stayed home with my kids. You could see the lack of interest in talking to "one of those" as they would slowly find a way to ease away. So then I switched it to "Domestic Goddess". This kept someone talking to me a little longer but eventually they would feel that there is "only so much you can talk to someone who stays at home all day" about and off they'd go.

One day I was reading something about a woman who had this same reaction from people and I stole her idea. I became "A Research Assistant in the field of Human Relations studying the dynamics of sibling rivalry" AND would go on to discuss my "three test study subjects".

Nothing like the truth to astound the idiots of the world.

By the time they figured out I was actually a stay at home mom I had moved on to smarter people to chat with.

It was an interesting time.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T21:30:00.002-06:00

Our donations have been made to the local food bank, the tree is up, the house is as clean as it's going to get (amazing how you care less about that as you get older), the presents have been unwrapped, the snackie foods consumed (we are big appetizer people in this family), and the seafood gumbo was amazing as always along with it's favorite side of potato salad.

Not a whole lot under the tree this year courtesy of my failing body parts but we really don't need/want a whole lot of "stuff". I would like a magic wand to fix the house/nightmare but secretly I enjoy doing it so I'd probably just turn people into weird animals and make inanimate objects talk and dance. That'd be cool. The cats would end up hating me. The dog probably wouldn't be too impressed either.

Yes they are all wearing bows on their heads.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

Stay healthy.

Jenny = Christmas Spirit

2010-12-22T12:36:00.003-06:00

This woman is awesome. I love her blog, she makes me giggle but this time she has truly pulled off a Christmas miracle. I'm too late to the party but it's nice to see the kindness of strangers.

This is the Christmas spirit.

Santa

2010-12-16T08:02:00.001-06:00

I never questioned kids questioning Santa. I certainly didn't question. I believed. Until my brother took me down to the basement (lived in New York at the time) and happily uncovered my father's work bench and showed me what looked like hundreds of wrapped presents that had been hidden by a tarp. (for the record - I told my mom and he got IN BIG TROUBLE!!!)

When my kids came along we believed. Once they were old enough to catch on to the whole leaving a list for Santa thing, they were always allowed to ask for three gifts. That was it. Three things they really wanted. They truly pushed the belief in Santa thing by waiting until two days before Christmas to hand over the final list. Two days before Christmas and I was generally searching for something that had been sold out for two years. I enlisted everyone I knew who was out and about shopping. I don't believe they were ever disappointed.

My first two kids are four years apart. The last baby came three years later. Even though my son was seven, we still believed. If you didn't believe, you didn't get.

Then it happened. I kept waiting for it. I was prepared. Finally, he was ten. TEN! He approached me and said that some of his friends said that Santa was really your parents. I just looked at him and asked him what he thought. Bless his heart he said he still believed and he didn't care what his friends said. Score one for mom!

When he finally came to me at twelve and told me he no longer believed I told him that was okay. To me Santa represented the magic of Christmas. No more, no less. And we all need a little magic in our lives.

He was satisfied and continued to hand his list over. He had two younger sisters he would not take magic away from.

I have no idea when the girls stopped believing. They never questioned and I still got the lists. I'm guessing that they know the truth by now.

Oh yeah, just so you know, I never did get the Barbie kitchen that was on my wish list for so long. Just to piss my mother off I continued to tell her I wanted that kitchen every year until the year she died. The only reason I didn't get to tell her I wanted that kitchen that year was because she left us early in the year.

Had she made it to Christmas you bet I would've asked for it again. And she would've rolled her eyes at me and told me to grow up.

Y'all

2010-12-15T19:30:00.002-06:00

My husband is composing an email to a friend and writes the word "y'all".

Husband: Did you know that the word "y'all" isn't in spell check? It must not be a word.

Me: How'd you spell it?

Husband: Ya'll.

Me: Spell it "y'all".

Husband: Yep, that one's in spell check.

Go Microsoft.

Transcription

2010-12-15T18:00:00.001-06:00

This transcription I'm attempting is eating my lunch. I have not only forgotten how to type but how to spell as well. Today I'm learning basic welding terms. Thank God for google.

Every time this guy says the word "ranks" I have changed it to "rants". Of course, that's a real word, so spell check is no help.

Yes, I do proofread before I send it in.

I am rising up through the rants.

Conversation with a Co-worker

2010-12-15T11:00:00.001-06:00

There is an ongoing discussion in my office about my state of hopelessness where keeping up to date photographs of my kids and/or husband is concerned. The pictures in my wallet stop at age six or so. My co-workers think I need help in the pride of displaying your offspring area.

So here you go.

Her: Look at these pictures of my kids that I took this morning.

Me: They're adorable. (They actually ARE cute kids, so I wasn't lying.)

Her: The pictures in your cube are twenty years old. When was the last time you took a picture of your kids? Hell, when was the last time you took a picture of anything? Do you even own a camera?

Me: I took a picture last night! (She has no knowledge of my blog. She is probably correct about the photos in my work station.)

Her: Of who?

Me: Oh Lord - it wasn't a person it was a chicken - a nekkid chicken. And then I took a picture of the chicken coated in rub. And then I forgot to take the rest of the photos and ate the chicken.

At this point she's staring at me, her mouth has dropped open, I can see her attempting to process WHY I was taking photos of a chicken and she slowly turned and walked away muttering "Jackson" (the local crazy people house).

My job for the day is complete.

Coffee

2010-12-15T08:45:00.003-06:00

Got to work this morning and went to make the coffee. There is no coffee. This office does not run if there is no coffee. We drink coffee all day long.

Yesterday I told my boss to pick up coffee. Obviously he didn't.

He walked in this morning and I glared at him. He turned around and went to get the coffee.

What a way to start a morning.

Paul McCartney - You're Just Another "Dad"

2010-12-13T17:43:00.000-06:00

Okay, this goes back to 2005. My daughter was ten and she managed to put celebrity in perspective. (You should've heard her during the 2004 presidential debates. Yes, she watched with us and actually commented!)

My kids grew up listening to what I listened to. They heard The Band, Rush, Led Zeppelin, the Who, Yes, CSN&Y, Janis Joplin, Mommas & the Poppas, the Beatles - you get the idea. They also listened to Frank, and Tommy Dorsey and Glen Miller, country. I basically like most music and whatever my mood was was the music of the day and my kids could sing along with the best of them.

So the night that Paul McCartney performed the half time show for the super bowl we're all sitting in the living room watching this and my youngest is sitting there.

My husband (a HUGE Beatles fan) leans over and says "Do you know who that man is?".

She looks up at us and says, "Yes, that's Jesse McCartney's dad.".

He was stunned. Mainly because a ten year old had just reduced one of his favorite performers to "just some one's dad". Thank you girl. Yep, he's just some one's dad.

It took me a long time to stop giggling.

My Favorite Ornaments

2010-12-10T20:38:00.006-06:00

So, I do actually have a slightly sappy side. I tend to hide it because of my upbringing - another story for another time.

Tonight I bring you my favorite ornaments. Yes, I know you're completely excited.

Yes, I admit, I have a Cinderella complex. Thank God I met my "prince charming".

My favorite Christmas show. No, I don't like the "remake". The cartoon is the only one worth watching.

I bought this one for my husband. He is DEFINITELY the "King of the Grill". The man is awesome.

Okay then.

You Asked for It

2010-12-07T19:05:00.001-06:00

We're not especially picture happy people. However, I did manage to find some pictures of myself. (I usually take the pictures. I know you've noticed the excellent quality.)

The above picture was taken in 1965. At least, that's what the back of the photo says.

I still get that look on my face. Pretty much almost every day.

Here I am at my wedding in 2005. Lovely face. Holding back tears, people. I DO have a heart.

The following photo was taken in 2009 at Hot Springs. First vacation I'd been on in - who knows how long. It was the first vacation my husband and I went on.

And last, but not least, me and the children. Yes, my daughter has blue hair. No, I did not do it. No, I don't care if she has blue hair. You don't sweat the small stuff and fighting about hair is stupid. Yes, I actually DO own another dress. It's black. See? I own two dresses. Now I feel like I have to go shopping.

I love watching the progression of aging. I appear to be slowly turning back into the first photo. I ought to be an adorable old person. And no, I don't wear makeup unless it's required - like a wedding.

So there I am.

Oh boy.

New Toy

2010-12-06T17:12:00.001-06:00

Just so you know, the big Girl dog can destroy any toy. I LOVE when a manufacturer claims their toy is for "large breed" dogs. Really? This dog has incredibly powerful jaws and nothing is safe from her happy, chewy self. I haven't found a toy yet that she can't chew through.

She recently received a new toy because her other one had been reduced to a nub. Oh joy! Oh excitement! Yeah! Look what I got!

This is what you look like after playing with your new toy all day. So tired!

The little red thing is her new toy. Yes, she does sleep with it, thank you very much.

The Story of the Christmas Tree

2010-12-05T12:34:00.001-06:00

My husband and I have a Charlie Brown Tree. We've had this tree since 2004 but just started using it the last three years. Before that, we would do the dreaded "Tree Shopping". Complete with kids and we usually ended covered in sap. Fun times!

I like colored lights. My husband likes white lights. I like all the ornaments to be different and have a story behind them. My husband likes the shiny glass balls. I prefer a fake tree. My husband likes a real tree.

One year, to show my husband I'm not totally selfish regarding the decoration of the tree, we bought a beautiful live tree. We got the tree three weeks before Christmas. I bought white lights and colored glass balls and that tree was full of sparkly color.

The tree was beautiful. The house smelled wonderful. The cats LOVED the shiny balls. Every morning I had the absolute pure pleasure of going on an ornament hunt. Oddly enough, the glass balls were never broken. The cats would bat them off the tree onto the carpet and then smack them around to the wood floors or the kitchen and chase them until they were done with them. Next night? Instant repeat.

Of course, real trees require regular watering and alot of vacuum maintenance. I hate the needles in the carpet.

My husband had to help me get the clog of pine needles out of the vacuum hose three times in a two week period.

The tree was completely brown the week before Christmas. I wouldn't let anyone turn on the lights for fear of fire. Hell, I wouldn't anyone BREATH near it, if you so much as looked at the stupid thing too hard you heard the Chorus of Dropping Needles.

Christmas day, after all was said and done, I tried to drag the damn tree to the street and was stopped. (I waited until after 6 pm.) I was told I had to leave the tree up until January 6. WTF?

The fire hazard stayed until the aforementioned date. The morning of the sixth, I ripped off the ornaments and lights, threw them into boxes and happily took that sucker down to the street. My husband followed me to remove the tree stand. Oh yeah, it was ALL going to the curb. No more real trees.

For two weeks after that my husband spent alot of time unclogging the vacuum hose. He was not happy.

Then my mom died and we inherited her tree. It's a cheap, sad, pitiful affair. She bought it so if she was having visitors around the holiday's she could "decorate". It's our Charlie Brown tree. Usually when I put it up, it ends up leaning and I can never fix it. I got it pretty straight this year. How odd.

I've become quite adjusted to my poor, pitiful tree. This year I pulled out a few of "my" ornaments and some of the shiny balls. I did put the colored lights on it. The tree skirt was made by my mother.

This may be the nicest tree I've decorated in a long time.

I'll be sad when the pitiful tree can't handle being put up any more and finally kicks the bucket.

Yes, I can be sentimental.

Ramblings

2010-12-04T12:46:00.007-06:00

First off - it's warm again today. I'm sure those of you living north are just pleased as punch to hear that. I put primer on the new exterior siding. It was sunny when I did it, now it's cloudy. If the rain ruins my paint job I will probably stroke out.

The local volunteer fire department just had Santa pass by on a fire truck, complete with siren blaring (thus torturing every poor dog in the neighborhood) and candy throwing. Thank God there's not a fire somewhere or a cat in a tree that they need to respond to right now. Heaven help we be spared the annual Santa Siren Call of the Candy.

We're having a muffaletta for lunch. Heaven.

We finally discovered how to install brick molding. It ain't pretty but that molding is now screwed in place and I pity the poor fool who has to replace it at some point in the future. I believe my husband will sell the house before he'll go through this experience again. He will attempt to tackle exterior crown molding next. Help us.

I discovered that a very good way to fill in those little skinny holes with spackle is by filling the end of a plastic bag with spackle, cutting off a little bit of a corner of the bag and pretending you're icing a cake. Worked perfect and cut the whole ordeal into half. (When I primed the crown molding in the kitchen there was a distinct line where the stoners who installed the crown molding didn't "exactly" get the molding all the way up to the ceiling in certain areas. It was making me crazy.)

I have now discovered that when you paint white crown molding next to a white ceiling you are required to clean the ceiling and it also needs to be repainted.

Sweet Jesus why didn't someone tell me this crap before I got this obviously wild hair up my butt?

I strongly suspect the rest of the day will go this way.

I think the sun is coming out again. Good thing I wasted my time cleaning those painting supplies isn't it?

Christmas Tree

2010-11-29T15:17:00.000-06:00

So, I took the day off from work today (I like my Thanksgiving vacation from work to last a little longer).

It's hot. I'm in shorts.

I just finished putting the lights on the Christmas tree.

There is something wrong with this picture.